i'll be a monkey's uncle

This idiom is used to express complete surprise, amazement or disbelief.

e.g. Bob: Hey, there was a news article about an alien spaceship having entered the earth's atmosphere!
Harry: Well, i'll be a monkey's uncle!

by specimengold November 8, 2013

a monkey fucking a football

The first time I ever heard this saying was on a construction site where I continued to hear it quite regularly. Basically it means fucking something up. Trying to do something that may require a little bit of skill,experience or coordination and fumbling around with it and not getting it right. Picture a monkey all excited trying to get a hold of a football so he could hump it.

When my wife was trying to change her wiper blades she looked like a monkey fucking a football.

by Mr Gianormanutz February 12, 2009

half a mongrel

semi erect penis

i saw karen in her swimsuit the other day, she looked hot, gave me half a mongrel!

by mickybird December 13, 2014

curl a monkey tail

Taking a nice long dump without stopping to pinch off

Dude, after that T-bell I had to curl a monkey tail something fierce!

by A^C July 27, 2006

Throw a monkey

The act of separating a disgustingly repulsive female from her highly attractive female friend in order to give your buddy a much better chance of initiating a sexual encounter with the attractive girl. If the unattractive friend was still around she would likely be doing copious amounts of cock blocking and being generally unsightly and annoying, which would not bode well for your friends efforts and ultimate goal of penetration, and is in fact the reason why most monkeys are thrown.

Throwing a monkey is a sacrifice you are making for your friend and can be accomplished in many ways. Throwing a monkey for someone is a highly respectable act and lets people know that you are unselfish, reliable, and when it comes crunch time you can come through in the clutch. You will likely get at least one favor in return for successfully throwing a monkey.

This term is in relation to throwing a monkey in Call of Duty Black Ops Zombie mode, which in dire situations you throw to force the ugly zombies that you know are about to be a potential problem or that are annoying you to remove themselves from your immediate location and follow the monkey so you can do something satisfying like hit the mystery box or upgrade your ray gun. Monkeys are often thrown when you need to revive a friend to help him get back into action.

1.

Garrett: "Yo dude I think I might have that hot ass girl in the bag I've been talking to tonight, but her ugly ass friend won't leave her side so I can really start spitting my A game and seal the deal, can you throw a monkey for me?"

Foster: "Yeah dude, I'll go talk to her and get her to follow me to the other bar upstairs and buy her some drinks."

Garrett: "Thanks man I owe you one"

2.

Foster: "Yo dude I need you to throw a monkey for me man asap"

Garrett: "I got you dawg, you helped me out last time. I'm gonna slip my wallet in her coat pocket secretly and tell the bouncer i saw her steal it off of the counter and make sure she gets kicked out, no worries man I got your back"

by V queezy January 17, 2011

Half past a monkey's ass, quarter to his balls

3:45...I think? Who knows what this means really?

What time is it? Half past a monkey's ass, quarter to his balls.

by HK Orlando October 19, 2006

Pulling a Mondal

'Pulling a Mondal' refers to telling someone you will show up at an event and then you don't.

If you fail to show up, it means you just 'pulled a Mondal'.

E.g.

Greg - Dude, had a blast last nite at ma place!! Y didn't ya come?? Ya promised!!

Frank - Sry mate.....had work..

Greg - You 'pulling a mondal' on me?!!?

by dr.quake March 2, 2011