Taking matters into your own hands

Masturbating
Choking the chicken
Beating the bishop
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Holding your sausage hostage
Squeezing the cream from the flesh twinkie
Having a date with Pam and her five friends
Having a tug-o-war with the cyclops
"the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger."

"Mary rejecting him for sex once again, Larry had to take matters into his own hands."

by Johnny Pot Smoker September 5, 2003

why don't you take a seat

The dreaded words that Chris Hansen will tell you when you go into the house hoping to hook up with an underage girl.

I walked into the house
"hey did you bring the stuff I asked for?"
"Smirnoff Ice and strawberry condoms, you bet."
"ok let me just get changed"
I go into the kitchen and see Chris Hansen
"why don't you take a seat"

by WelfareChris April 6, 2008

trying to take a shit without pissing

(n.) An expression used to describe a task which is nearly impossible to do while avoiding its by-products or consequences.

You want to go to a strip club without spending a lot of cash? Man, that's like trying to take a shit without pissing.

by Dwebbie Appleton May 31, 2009

take my talents to South Beach

Euphemism for masturbate. Coined by LeBron James during his "The Decision" broadcast on July 8, 2010. Definition as suggested by Glenn Jamieson of Perth, Australia in Bill Simmons's ESPN blog, 7/9/10.

Person A: What are you doing tomorrow?
Person B: I'm going to sleep in, take my talents to South Beach, go to work, and head to the bars.

LeBron James: Um, in this fall -- man, this is very tough -- um, in this fall I'm going to take my talents to South Beach and, um, join the Miami Heat.

by B. Lumbergh July 11, 2010

Taking the long horse for a short walk

Generally, this term is used by those who need to release urine. The symbolism of "long horse" and "short walk" are up to the user's interpretation.

John: You know, though our conversation is enthralling, I admit I must taking the long horse for a short walk. In other words, I must urinate, as you may know from the saying's entry on Urban Dictionary.
Jane: Ok.

by Long Horse Short Walk October 2, 2021

take your foot in your hand

Used in the "Gullah Gullah Island" theme song, it means hurry up.

"Just take your foot in your hand. That means hurry up, don't miss the good things that we plan."

by Steveisfuckinyourmomma December 11, 2007

Big bank takes little bank

A game in which 2 people agree to show how much money they have on them and whoever has more on them takes (big bank) takes the money from the person with less money (little bank).

"wanna play a quick game of Big bank takes little bank?" person 1

"ya, you know I keep the bands in my pants." person 2

by Dr.Dinger February 19, 2017