Turtles and Conquistador

Regionally known in Northern Florida as a sexual tradition in which a blindfolded male suiter hangs a map of the trailer park low on a wall, chugs a 4 Loko, spins three times, and walks toward the map while neked. Where his erect member touches the map before he falls down, is where the object of his affection must hide.

Once hidden, the “turtle” must scream, “Ca caaaw!” At that point, the pursuer can remove his blindfold and roam the trailer park still neked, searching under each of his neighbor’s trailers.

The game ends once the “turtle” is located and humped or the local authorities stop the search.

“What’re ya in for?”
“Caught stealin’ a catalytic converter. You?”
“Turtles and Conquistador until the law showed up.”
“Well you ol’ salty horn dog! Been there, done that.”

by Honest2n March 23, 2024

Sea Turtled

Being abandoned by the father before the child is born

Kid 1: "Hey where's your dad?"
Kid 2: "I don't have a dad."
Kid 1: "He sea turtled you?

by Jaywolf209 September 25, 2015

turtle-backing

When you throw a pie-tin full of whipped cream at someone’s back and it sticks to their back like a turtle shell.

“Wow, Elijah just got done turtle-backing Jeremy!”

by Educated_Scholar21301 August 22, 2019

Turtle

Mitch McConnell

Mitch McConnell is a turtle.

by TROLLKING9001 March 12, 2021

Turtle-Baiter

The act of masturbating whilst your busting for a shit so bad it's "Turtle Necking" out of your asshole

"Mate, Gary said he had a Turtle-Baiter in bed last night and he got some on the sheets"

by Flabanaga Noongah July 14, 2024

my turtles

Used as a pick-up line to refer to ones own pubic hair(s). pubs bush exotic turtle hairy

Would you like to go look at my turtles, they are pretty exotic.

by Smokey's pubs March 4, 2014

To Turtle

To wander aimlessly, hoping and praying to find a suitable commode to evacuation fecal material that has been inching its way out of the rectum slowly, like a turtle

I had to turtle myself 4 blocks towards the rock n Roll Hall of Fame praying they had a suitable commode.

by Mike.moffet November 12, 2018