Assistant Simp

When you wingman a Simp yet you are not a simp yourself.

"Today I helped Elliot get this girl he was after."

"You mean that simp? So you're basically his Assistant Simp?"

by Sh0rtkakke March 25, 2020

Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance

"You can stroll a store's aisles till Doomsday and never spot da item you want, but then, just as soon as you interrupt a staffperson to ask for help in locating said desirable, THAT'S when you will notice your sought-after item right off!"

While stocking up on food at a Super Walmart, I was looking for larger packages of Armour Vienna sausage so that I could save a few cents per can, but although I had thoroughly searched the surrounding areas on the shelves, I still hadn't found anything bigger than the small six-packs, so I finally asked a nearby employee if there were any of the larger packages in stock, possibly in the back room. Well, just as we were both walking back to the area of the aisle where I'd been looking, THAT'S when I finally spied the 12-packs that were sitting on the very top shelf! Guess that was a classic case of Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance... ah, well, again, the 12-packs were indeed sitting very high up, so at least that was a plausible excuse for my not having seen them before, especially since the store usually doesn't even expect its customers to notice stuff that's placed 'way up there, anyway; that "lofty" location is merely where they store extra merchandise for replenishing the lower-down shelves when the stock there starts to run low.

by QuacksO May 14, 2019

Cardiovascular Assistant I

Otherwise known as a TA, a comical and tardy individual who’s consistently only productive on Thursdays.

This damn CardioVascular Assistant I (TA)never gets any linen.

by Pavss June 8, 2018

Goose Assist

When a goose fan unceremoniously shoves the dripfield album into your clenched asshole.

I got a Goose Assist in Philly last night and I’m not doing too well this morning.

by Bob Weir’s Clam Diggers March 24, 2022

Staff Assist

What is called over the intercom when a patient acts extremely unsafe or disruptive at the psych ward and they need extra help to deal with the situation. When the situation is extra dire, a "staff assist with security" may be called.

Roman: "Man, that dude is going absolutely insane. We'd better call for a staff assist!"

Mike: "With security?!"

Roman: "Yes!"

by CretaceousEraTheropodDinosaur April 16, 2024

assistant captain

A person on a sports team who helps the captain but is still below his power.

Who's that?

Oh hes the assistant captain

by Ibby_Libby June 6, 2014

the front end assistant

Front End Assistant: When you stretch your nut sack skin out as much as you can ,then wrap the stretched skin around another's erect Weiner, and proceed to jerk them off.

Hey Toby. This is a long flight, I know how squirly you get when you don't get your daily nut. How about a "front end assistant"?

I love the front end assistant. He's super stretchy like raw chicken skin, his name is wolf Blitzer btw

Damn Charles that's a hell of a set of balls you got there! you ever think of asking for that "front end assistant" position Edward has available?

by Seven86 June 27, 2024