An elderly and obese guy that delivers billions of presents to people around the world. How does he get the presents? Why, he forces millions of elves in green costumes with way too large hats to make the presents.
by idkwhatnametoputhere August 04, 2024
The only known person with immunity to diabetes and obesity-related death. He’s normally found in malls around Christmas time scaring the living crap out of children.
Timmy: How does Santa Claus get around so quickly with all those cookies in his tummy?
Mom: You’d be fast too if the police kept trying to track you down for breaking and entering.
Mom: You’d be fast too if the police kept trying to track you down for breaking and entering.
by Inferior April 22, 2020
a fat old bastard that slips through your chimney, eats all your cookies, and gives you coal in return.
and yes, he is real, but he was just arrested for breaking and entering in the 80s
and yes, he is real, but he was just arrested for breaking and entering in the 80s
Santa Claus is coming
by iminhellplshelpahhh August 31, 2024
A fucking rapist that kids idolize. He comes in your house late at night to rape your children. He fucks 'em rough when they're in the naughty list, and he fucks them even rougher when they're in the kind list, although he finds naughty kids more attractive. If the kids aren't good at fucking, he leaves coal, if they're good, he leaves gifts. He might look like a nice gentle man but he's just a dirty rapist, who's 15.000 years old. Creepy as fuck. (P.S. HE'LL ALSO EAT YO' UGLY ASS COOKIES).
He also gives and smokes weed.
He also gives and smokes weed.
Ana: Hey Josh, what did your kid ask to Santa Claus?
Josh: My kid can't write to Santa, I don't want her to be fucked at 4 by an old man.
Ana: Good, same with my kid also, I don't want that rapist to practice gay sex with my 6-year-old son.
Josh: My kid can't write to Santa, I don't want her to be fucked at 4 by an old man.
Ana: Good, same with my kid also, I don't want that rapist to practice gay sex with my 6-year-old son.
by George Washington Jr. Amadeus November 27, 2023
by mr binoculars December 15, 2020
1. A physics lawbraker, home invader, stalker, reindeer enslaver, pedophile old man who wears red, white and black colors and lives in a low temperature place located at the north pole of the planet, called by the Terrans, Earth, whose commemorative date was given to him for committing serious crimes in relation to the physics and human rights, becoming the host of what was once the supposed birth of Jesus, in December 25th on the Christian Calendar. He gives gifts to all children, but only to those who celebrate Christmas, which is unfair, and he also lives surrounded by elves who create children's gifts, but receive no salary, being victims of slavery. It enters houses by its chimneys and, in a mysterious way, it enters apartments and houses that do not have chimneys, leaving gifts under the Christmas trees, for the good kids who haven't misbehaved for 364 or 365 in a row, from December 26th to December 24th of the next year. His myths are many and his origin unknown.
2. A big, fat man with a long beard, wears mostly red cotton clothes, black leather boots, black gloves and a black belt, plus a red hat.
2. A big, fat man with a long beard, wears mostly red cotton clothes, black leather boots, black gloves and a black belt, plus a red hat.
1. Santa Claus is coming to leave gifts because you behaved all year!
2. Santa Claus is not real.
3. You behaved so badly this year that Santa Claus won't even give you coal!
2. Santa Claus is not real.
3. You behaved so badly this year that Santa Claus won't even give you coal!
by Clear Gram December 29, 2020
He is a pedophile who secretly watches over kids. Not only that, but he also has a large child porn collection in the world and he will be arrested for life and has to register as a sex offender for life and he has probation for life and there will be no Christmas.
Santa Claus is a pedophile.
by Comedyandhak June 09, 2022