Middle Aged white man named Brandon. Loves to hike, has never hunted. Eats werthers hard candy and complains about hippies. Brags about riding horses and being “country”
by WingDangDanDoodle September 8, 2022
A “ Granola” can be described as a Vegan, Organic, Non-GMO, BPA-Free, Grass Fed, Grass Finished, Dairy Free, Nut Free, Soy Free, Lemon Wedge Deodorant wearing overly environmentally friendly non-hippy-but-also-a-hippy-at-the-same time stereotype (Think hippy minus the drugs and the tie dye.) Granolas often smell like curry and likely live in an off-the-grid tiny house in the middle of some field they probably don’t actually own. In said tiny houses in an effort to save the climate, they likely redirect their “all natural toilet waste” from their glorified port-a-potty into their veggie compost to later use as “natural” fertilizer. Granolas often dress in an outdoorsy fashion that also resembles that of a well dressed hobo. It is not uncommon to identify a Granola wearing Birkenstocks, Athletic Shorts, Camel Back backpacks, North Face Jackets, and more regardless of whether or not they take frequent hikes. Granolas may also be seen driving a Subaru Outback with several decals on the back windshield that often refer to climate change and world peace.
I love Jan but after her month long getaway in the deep woods of the Rocky Mountains, she turned into a total granola!
by NoboHobo January 19, 2022
a heterosexual white man that finishes after a singular stroke because of his built up testosterone from watching anime porn, usually named some basic shit like will or jackson
by akhxloqnx July 10, 2022
Someone who is in their 20-30s, who distinguishes him or herself by not conforming to the modern twenty something trends. Someone who shows distaste in 'hipster' things, conservative beliefs, religion, and anything that is the traditional norm such as weddings.
"I hate girls who take pics of coffee in a hipster cafe just for instagram. Just enjoy the moment and not touch your phone for a day!"
"Wow you are so granola."
"I want to live in a van for a year and travel the world with little money and stay off the grid!"
"Your instagram is all nature, so granola!"
"Wow you are so granola."
"I want to live in a van for a year and travel the world with little money and stay off the grid!"
"Your instagram is all nature, so granola!"
by quidproquoamend11 July 1, 2018
Outdoorsy wealthy poseur.
Wears expensive outdoor gear type clothing ALL of time, with brand labels exposed & conspicuous. Only talks about organic food and extreme sports.
Wears expensive outdoor gear type clothing ALL of time, with brand labels exposed & conspicuous. Only talks about organic food and extreme sports.
Chris and Bea are so Gucci Granola; their Toyota Tacoma has micro brew and social justice stickers all over the back.
The Gucci Granola chick outside Whole Foods wanted me to sign a petition to ban cars from the freeway.
The Gucci Granola chick outside Whole Foods wanted me to sign a petition to ban cars from the freeway.
by JHGC8 June 21, 2017
In essence, when one is acting like a granola bar, it means that they are acting in an unstable and unprecedented manner, that it evokes concern to all individuals nearby. Like Nature Valley Granola Bars, which tend to disintegrate easily. If an individual's mental health and overall lifestyle is showing signs of decline and instability, one could say that they are acting like a granola bar. In closure, to act like a granola bar means that you are fucking Wilding and acting crazy asf.
Person 1 background: recently lost their job, about to be evicted, has gotten numerous restraining orders in the last few days, hasn't taken care of their hygiene in a long ass time, and is doing black tar heroin on the double.
"Hey bro, you see that thicc ass Boulder near the highway?"
Person 2: "yeah what about it?"
Person 1: " yo we should like totally drive full speed towards it, it would be like so poggers lol"
Person 2:" imma be real with you, you have been acting like a granola bar recently, I think we should have an intervention"
"Hey bro, you see that thicc ass Boulder near the highway?"
Person 2: "yeah what about it?"
Person 1: " yo we should like totally drive full speed towards it, it would be like so poggers lol"
Person 2:" imma be real with you, you have been acting like a granola bar recently, I think we should have an intervention"
by reformedshibainu January 14, 2022
I was gonna try to score with that frat girl but that guy with the dreads and a hemp necklace granola stopped me.
by BigDamClay April 24, 2022