Turd Burglar

A person who anally fists another, grabbing the feces inside the anal cavity. The fister then removes the contents of the anus and proceeds to Waluigi-run away from the crime scene (usually while also maniacally laughing). This is a very real and lucrative crime. On average a turd burglary occurs at least once every hour.

911 Operator: “911, what’s your emergency?”
Victim: “I need to report a burglary.”
911 Operator: “what was stolen.”
Victim: “I’d prefer not to say. Please send an officer quick! The turd burglar is getting away!”

Turd Burglar by Definitely *NOT a Turd Burglar May 30, 2022

Turd Burglar

One who takes shit or allows themself to be spoken down to by others.

“Poor Jeff, he always allows his boss to talk down to him, poor turd burglar”

Turd Burglar by Sir Francis Argaf June 8, 2022

Turd Burglar

When you need a shit so bad,it needs complete lonesome to let loose the beast, then someone walks in, causing it to be sucked back in like e g g

You are a turd burglar

Turd Burglar by WrittenToe79 June 21, 2022

Turd burglar

A Turd burglar is a mythical being that takes your turds (aka poop) from your toilet at night when everyone is asleep, similar to the tooth fairy legend.

Little boy: Mommy when will the turd burglar come?

Mother: oh honey the turd burglar only comes at night when your asleep.

Turd burglar by BeeftGunkle June 20, 2023

turd burglar

Someone who simply steals your poop. You could be taking a nice dump, not knowing what’s hiding in your shower, or under your sink… as soon as you stand up from the toilet and turn away for a second… your turd will be gone because the turd burglar took it. You will not catch them… nor see them.. unless they’re over 34 years of age. They are either assigned to a person at the age of 6, or placed into a house when built, and will steal everyone’s turds that ever lives there.

Frank - “Yo… I just took a shit, and when I turned around to flush… it wasn’t there”

Marlo- “oh, it was probably the turd burglar

turd burglar by Stinkletoot May 26, 2024

Turd burglar

A “Turd Burglar” is When Courtney R is being a crazy radioactive bad ass bitch w seven flavors of that bootylicious bubble gum.

Courtney is a total turd burglar

Turd burglar by Anner Bananaer March 8, 2025

Turd burglar

When my dog sniffs the yard for rabbit poops...and eats them.

"Baxter!...quit being a turd burglar and leave them rabbit turds alone. You better give mama kisses first with that breath!" 🤭

Turd burglar by YOU DONT SAY June 27, 2025