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Even I don’t know who to root for

What you say when caught in the middle between 2 of your enemies/unpleasant problems personified as people

When you don’t know what’s worse or better in a situation determinate of 2 or more parties
*uncle and stepdad fighting over who’s going to Molest the 14 yr old daughter

Daughter: tf ?

God: even i don’t know who to root for

progressive who likes to get things done 

A regressive, usually American, politician afraid of the sort of social progress available in most advanced nations and particularly those in Northern Europe.
Person A: Bro, do you believe in (insert any socially progressive belief here)?

Person B: Nah, bro! I'm a progressive who likes to get things done! ...you wanna go do some interventionist military activity?

People who dont want to play monopoly 

That one salty bastard in your family who loses everytime; is usually fat, ginger or light blonde and gets bullied in school. Would spend £90 on a DLC for Cadburys if there was one.
Fatfuck: I don't wanna play monopoly! It isn't Minecraft!

Parent: *slaps* People who dont want to play Monopoly are a fagghot.

stupid people who don't know how to spell pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

You're not really stupid, because its the longest word in the English language.
Guy: stupid people who don't know how to spell pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
Guy 2: I'm not stupid because its the longest word in exsistence!
Guy: OK! But its true because the name of this "NEW WORD" is called that!
Guy 2: But it says you're not really stupid!
Guy: Oh yeah, I guess so... Hah?

I'm a 20-something Hispanic man who has uncontrollable lust for women who spend over 100 dollars on collecting waifus and hours and realized that he can't collect a certain waifu due to random number generator 

Translates to I'm Josie, and 100 dollars is an understatement.
I'm a 20-something Hispanic man who has uncontrollable lust for women who spend over 100 dollars on collecting waifus and hours and realized that he can't collect a certain waifu due to random number generator is something you wouldn't say on a first date.

Im the new guy who just raped your dog and im going to lose my dick when im doing it 

Im the new guy who just raped your dog and im going to lose my dick when im doing it, my name is luka