cleaning the shelf under the register

When you clean under a mans balls with your tongue.

What is that? Ohhhhh!!! When I was cleaning the shelf under the register

by kayomayo July 14, 2016

Dick On The Shelf

Dick On The Shelf or D.O.T.S refers to a strategy girls use when their relationship falls through or their routine dick appointmentgoes south on them. This commonly occurs when the guy is not hip enough to realize that he's been put on the back burner until she has use for him. Until then, he will not hear from said female because she's "busy".

Buddy 1: Weird thing just happened. This girl that I haven't heard from in weeks just waved to me on Facebook because I'm nearby.
Buddy 2: Yeah her F.W.B just ended and you're her Dick On The Shelf
Buddy 1: Dick on the shelf ?
Buddy 2: Yup, D.O.T.S homie.

by Syrpgangwaffuldaeus August 3, 2018

last chicken on the shelf

a word to describe someone who is very unattractive, who no one wants to date... a minger
the last person anyone would go out with

alan looks like the last chicken on the shelf!

by Rambo's mum October 18, 2007

Jam the Shelf Angel

Jam the Shelf Angel is a departed soul of good. Jam is the counterpart and opposite of Jim the Closet Demon. Jam’s gender identity is described only as ‘binary’ and they use she/they pronouns. They are 7 inches tall (17.48 cm) and have a wide frame with thick thighs. This is also the opposite of Jim the Closet Demon who is described as tall and lanky. Jam the Shelf Angel primarily exists within shelves and does not want or require sacrifices or worship.

Person 1: “Is that Jim the Closet Demon?”

Person 2: “No, that is Jam the Closet Angel and you are showing your ignorance because Jim and Jam are nothing alike.”

Person 1: “Oh, should I worship Jam the Shelf Angel?”
Person 2: “No you absolute fool.”

by Turtle in a box September 2, 2022

Belt On The Shelf

A Weapon Used In Psychological Warfare In The Early 80's & 90's.

The Urban Version On Elf On The Shelf, Used To Persuade Kids Into Good Behavior.
The Mere Sight Of It Drove Fear Into The Hearts Of Every Boy & Girl.

Made Mostly Of Top Grade Leather, Although Synthetic Fabrics

Or Vinyl Was Always An Exceptable Substitute. The Silent Babysitter.

Originated In New Bedford Massachusetts By Cape Verdean People !

" Stop it, Momma Is Not Playing With Us You Big Dummy, Don't You See That BELT ON THE SHELF ? "

by Outlaw City Graffix © March 21, 2016

Elf on the Shelf

An extraordinarily stupid holiday tradition practiced by white, suburb-dwelling families which involves "hiding" a creepy doll somewhere in the house, for their young children to find. This may seem innocent enough, but the real motive behind this fad is to attempt to control the offspring's behavior through the threat of the Elf telling Santa Claus of the misdeeds they committed under the omnipotent surveillance of the Elf. A adult satire of this is Whore in the Drawer, simply replacing the Elf with a scantily clothed Barbie doll, and the shelf with a cabinet or drawer.

Wife: Jim, did you hide the Elf on the Shelf
Husband: No Carol, for fuck's sake, I told you it gives me the willies.

by bonquequeg March 17, 2016

elf on the shelf

A very creepy tradition perpetrated by adults around children of young ages. The legend goes that the elf on the shelf is hidden and watches the children and then reports back to Santa with his findings. In a nutshell, this is Santa's NSA, with less phone taps. Although this may seem a jocular activity to keep your offspring in line, it actually is a pervy way to watch over your kids, using the threat of not receiving gifts during the holiday season. The adult version of this practice is not-so-subtly named whore in a drawer

Dad 1: Hey Rick did you hide the elf on the shelf for little bobby and Susie this year?
Dad 2: Hell yeah I did, Arty. I put it in the bathroom so my kids will shit bricks.

by canned_laughs August 18, 2016