Pension Witch

An evil creature typically found in healthcare; who’s life purpose is to hypnotize and lure young Firefighters into marriage only with intent to file for divorce and steal half their hard earned retirement pension.

Rookie: That hot ER nurse gave me her number. Should I ask her out?

Captain: Keep it in your pants probie, she’s only after your pension.

Rookie: how do you know? She said she’s into me.

Captain: She can’t help it. She’s a Pension Witch. She’ll sell your motorcycle and use the cash to buy into a Pyramid scheme.

by Spicy chicken fajitas May 11, 2021

pension benefits

Pension benefits may be established when a couple breaks up but they continue to have repeated sexual encounters with eachother afterwards for an extended period of time until such time that either or both parties are in a new and exclusive relationship, although in many cases the benefits may continue even in such circumstances, where the benefits are held in a trust by and on behalf of either or both parties to be accessed under certain conditions (such as when in the future neither person is party to an exclusive relationship or when a recipient of the benefit is unaware that the other is in a relationship or when a particular fact does not exclude the entitlement to receive a benefit according to the rules of the benefits held in trust even if their behavior is slutty, promiscuous, and morally reprehensible).

Ryan: Alex, I'm breaking up with you.
Alex: okay.
Ryan: Let's fuck like rabbits!
Alex: Hell yeah, pension benefits!

by Phillip Yœrass August 26, 2013

Pension predator

A younger person dating a significantly older person hoping to benefit from their old age pension or insurance ect

See the age difference..shes after his money... pension predator

by Bricker81 October 23, 2018

Demon Pension

Another word for Semen Retention; Males retaining their semen during sexual intercourse. Just like a pension, you're saving it all up for a greater and more meaningful investment.

Man: " Yo Jemit, I made her cum twice and still made sure my shit was on demon pension"

Jemit: " Whhhhat, no way! How do you make a girl cum?"

by bramptonshordy June 1, 2020

relationship pension

n. The benefits one may retain after peacefully breaking up with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

Thew: Am I entitled to a relationship pension?
Carmen: Are you on crack??
Thew: C’mon, why not?
Carmen: You called me a trifling cunt not more than two days ago. Consider me Enron!

by Ethereal Astronaut April 25, 2006

Goodbye Tension Hello Pension

The definition of this short phrase : If someone says goodbye tension hello pension it means they are a retired dota player. They will usually purchase a mug with the phrase on or an official t-shirt to confirm their retirement.

Rod: Hey there ted , ermm sorry but look what t-shirt i bought ( shows shirt )

Ted : Omg that shirt says goodbye tension hello pension on it !

Rod : yeah it does ... urmm im retired ...

Ted : Omg no way !!!

by TheConfectionarySalesman November 28, 2009

poverty pension

The money earned from playing the lottery, bingo, sweepstakes or any form of gambling that requires minimal physical exertion and even less education.

The idiots won their poverty pension in Vegas then moved to Florida.

by school_is_old March 7, 2020