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San Francisco Goggles

Likened to the adolescent "Hairy Tea Bag"; wearing "San Fransico goggles" not only includes the sinus rest place of a hairy linebacker's nutsack, but also causes temporary blinding and an olfactory system shutdown when one's eyesocket is rammed into another man's asshole.
After drinking more than 20 (but less than 40)Lagavulins, I woke up in a primered El Camino wearing some sweat infested, brown rimmed San Francisco goggles.

San Francisco Values 

But let's talk about "San Francisco values", you know -- tolerance, entrepreneurship, and creativity.

Since O'Reilly boycotts everything he hates, I look forward to his boycott of all Bay Area-origin products. Same with every conservative who bashes San Francisco and the Bay Area. So no iPods or anything Apple. No HP computers. No Google. No Yahoo. No eBay. Those conservative bloggers using Blogspot, MovableType, or TypePad? Sorry. Those products are Bay Area-based.

Also no Adobe or Macromedia products. No computers, either, since most run on AMD or Intel. No tax preparation using Intuit products. Cancel your Netflix subscription. Cancel your TiVo subscription. Remove your Network Associates or Symantec virus protection software from your computer. Unplug your Netgear wifi router.

Don't wear Levis (or any kind of jeans), Gap, Banana Republic, Old Navy, or buy your kids Gymboree. Avoid LeapFrog learning toys. Boycott Pixar movies. Boycott any movie using George Lucas' ILM special effects shop. Stay away from Treos and other Palm devices. Don't let Charles Schwab manage your portfolio. Don't bank at Wells Fargo.

Yeah, those "San Francisco values" sure are dragging the region down. Making it weak as it falls behind the rest of the country -- the parts that don't share "San Francisco values" -- economically and socially.

Or, maybe -- just maybe -- it's made the region a magnet for the world's smartest, most innovative, most entrepreneurial individuals and an incubator of the world's most dramatic technological advances.
Oh they just have those San Francisco values which I call it because I'm a bigoted, stuck up conservative.

San Francisco Giants 

A team that hasn't won a World Series Championship since 1954, but still has the best hitter in baseball (Barry Bonds), the best ballpark (SBC Park), the second best rivalry, and of course the best fans.
Sorry ass Dodger fan: "The San Francisco Giants Suck......ah shit, Bonds just hit a homer."

San Francisco Entitlement Blindness

The propensity of some longtime residents to lose perspective about how good they have it compared to most of the world (and other, less privileged SF residents) and start complaining about trivial shit. SFEB often sets in during the fifth year of living in San Francisco and becomes incurable by the tenth year.
"God damn it! I just missed the N Judah. Now I have to wait four minutes for the next one! MUNI IS THE WORST PUBLIC TRANSIT SYSTEM EVER!!! AAAAARGH!!!"
"Sounds like somebody has a case of San Francisco Entitlement Blindness!"

San Francisco Traffic Jam 

What starts with 2 men engaging in butt sex, with more and more men adding on to the end of the line as the night progresses.
Justin: Dude, where have you been?
Rasputin: Sorry man, I got caught up in a San Francisco Traffic Jam.
Steve: Did you at least remember the Boston Baked Beans?
Rasputin: Sorry, I forgot.
Steve: Man, what a douche. Wanna see my Boston Belt Buckle?

San Francisco Handshake 

An act of greeting wherein one person grabs the other person's crotch as opposed to their hand. Generally, this act is done between two people of the same gender. This act is especially prevalent in college frat houses and from people named Bryce.
Bryce greeted me with a San Francisco handshake after driving twelve hours to see me.

After several beers, Mark asked the girls at the bar for a San Francisco handshake. They all declined.
San Francisco Handshake by The_BFD February 10, 2013