Canada's History is a sex act in which a live moose is hunted down with the aid of Sarah Palin (a master tracker and rogue) and viciously murdered by decapitation with a jagged hockey stick. After defiling the moose head further by teabagging the head several times (and not with Early Grey, but your genitals), it is ready for sex. The antlers are rammed up the anus of the female while Grade A Canadian maple syrup is slathered over the balls of the man who is simultaneously stuffing the moose's mouth with his shaft. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin hardly wants to miss out on the action so she goes rogue by jamming the other side of the antlers (opposite end is butt spelunking the female) up her vagina far enough to perform a self-abortion on her unwanted baby. After everyone has finished and Palin has enlarged her vaginal orifice another 2 inches, the moose head is discarded in a finely polished Stanley Cup. It is then sent to the home of Stephen Colbert for tedious inspection to make sure that every moose head was used to its fullest extent. Stephen does not accept the moose head in anything but the Stanley Cup as it is the only vessel prestigious enough for his liking. As a health advisory, it is generally necessary to check up with your doctor before performing Canada's History with your partner as it can lead to serious diseases such as severe diarrhea, Colbertitis, mad moose disease, and a neurological disorder known as The Palins which generally leads to mental retardation.
-Canadian Tool 1: "Dude me and my girl did a raw Canada's History last night."
-Canadian Tool 2: "Nice bro, that Sarah Palin is a freak, eh?"
-Canadian Tool 1: "FUCK YEH! SHES THE NASTIEST SHETARD IN THE WORLD!"
-Canadian Tool 2: "Hell yeh, shes fucking hot."
-Canadian Tool 1: "Obvi bro... Obvi."
-Canadian Tool 2: "Nice bro, that Sarah Palin is a freak, eh?"
-Canadian Tool 1: "FUCK YEH! SHES THE NASTIEST SHETARD IN THE WORLD!"
-Canadian Tool 2: "Hell yeh, shes fucking hot."
-Canadian Tool 1: "Obvi bro... Obvi."
by SarahPalinMadeCaribouExtinct February 24, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug. A dirty blowjob in which after the receiver is done receiving, he blows shits all over their face and yells "and THAT is Canada's History, baby!"
Me: Did you hear what happened man?
Buddy: No, what happened?
Me: Last night my gal and I were gettin' goofy and...
Buddy: Yeah?
Me: Let's just say that I gave her a lesson on Canada's History.
Buddy: Damn man..Nice.
Buddy: No, what happened?
Me: Last night my gal and I were gettin' goofy and...
Buddy: Yeah?
Me: Let's just say that I gave her a lesson on Canada's History.
Buddy: Damn man..Nice.
by The Colbert Nation Forever February 4, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug. 1. (n) a sexual act involving no fewer than the total number of players on the ice during a regulation hockey game. Classically, the male to female ratio is equal, although not required. For the act to be executed correctly, however, any man involved must wear a bear mask, while women wear beaver tails. The men take turns pleasuring any woman they chooses with moose antlers, while the others make awkward small talk. The women who are not currently involved pour pure maple syrup on the reserve pile of antlers for lubrication. After all the men are done, any woman who has not been satisfied is considered ugly and is sent to work in the oil fields.
note: this act is generally regarded as illegal in the united states, but is infact subliminally encouraged by most politicians.
note: this act is generally regarded as illegal in the united states, but is infact subliminally encouraged by most politicians.
-Did you see that new Paris Hilton video?
-The one where she's doing 'canada's history' with the cast of Degrassi?
-Yeah! Instant classic!
-The one where she's doing 'canada's history' with the cast of Degrassi?
-Yeah! Instant classic!
by dtdude February 4, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug. A sex act, banned in 16 states, involving the following:
a funnel, maple syrup, handcuffs, a foot-long rubber cylinder, antlers & duct-tape. Optional: a goose.
a funnel, maple syrup, handcuffs, a foot-long rubber cylinder, antlers & duct-tape. Optional: a goose.
by Dr. W.C. Minor February 5, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug. Two people head out into the woods, attack and immobilizes a moose, then proceed to tag-team copulate with the creature while sawing off its antlers. The two each hold an end of the antlers and wrassle with it on the moose's back, still coupled with the creature; they compete to force a bottle of maple syrup off the moose's back, to one side or another. The winner receives the Stanley Cup, or a reasonable facsimile if the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto cannot be reached, and the right to use the syrup, antlers, restraints, and Cup on the loser in any way they see fit. The loser receives the right to several hours-long hypnotherapy sessions to remove the memory of the entire event from their mind, ensuring it will resurface again and again in the victim's subconscious, rising to pillage the mind like a psychological Godzilla only to return to mysterious dormancy just as suddenly, thus providing an explanation for much of Canada's History.
by FourLetterWord February 5, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug. A bizarre sexual act involving three midgets, some syrup, toenail clippings and earwax. The three midgets gather in a circle, cover themselves with syrup, sprinkle toenail clippings on themselves, then lick earwax out of each other's ears while the spectator masturbates
by UncleJohann1 February 4, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug. 'Canada's History' is the nickname for notorious porn addict and namesake of the Stanley Cup, Frederick Arthur Stanley, 16th Earl of Derby (15 January 1841 – 14 June 1908), known as Frederick Stanley until 1886 and as Lord Stanley of Preston between 1886 and 1893, was a Conservative Party politician in the United Kingdom who served as Colonial Secretary from 1885 to 1886 and the sixth Governor General of Canada from 1888 to 1893. An avid sportsman, he built Stanley House Stables large enough to house 3 dozen female moose during their most fertile period, along with "bottomless" maple syrup dispenser and back bacon station, in order to live for several months at a time in the frozen tundra without having to leave the stables. At least 143 of Stanley's "favorite" animal partners are buried under the statue of Lord Derby in Stanley Park, Vancouver, today.
Bob: I was like a one-man army, like Charlton Heston in "Omega Man." You ever see it? Beauty.
Doug: No way, eh. You're more like a one-man hoser.
Bob: Am not.
Doug: You're no Lord Stanley, eh.
Bob: Heh heh. That's fer sure. Ol' Canada's History could scare the shit out of a herd of moose like nobody's business, eh.
Doug: No way, eh. You're more like a one-man hoser.
Bob: Am not.
Doug: You're no Lord Stanley, eh.
Bob: Heh heh. That's fer sure. Ol' Canada's History could scare the shit out of a herd of moose like nobody's business, eh.
by Part of the Colbert Nation February 5, 2010
Get the Canada's Historymug.