Get the Mike Ostroski Is Captain Underpantsmug. A half-functioning fishing captain powered by nicotine, meth, and pure coastal paranoia. Captain Crank is the guy screaming about government satellites while freebasing off tin foil in the engine room of a rusted-out commercial boat—or chain-smoking through a guided trip while cussing at seagulls and mumbling about “the deep state tracking red snapper migrations.”
Not to be confused with an old salty dog—Captain Crank isn’t wise, he’s wired. You’ll know him by the jerky hand movements, a permanent squint (either from sun damage or sleep deprivation), and the overwhelming scent of bait, diesel, and regret.
Spotting Characteristics:
- Yellowed mustache from years of inhaling tinfoil smoke
- Boat held together by zip ties, duct tape, and spite
- Knows exactly where the fish are… but won’t tell you unless you “wake up to what’s really going on”
- Listens exclusively to ham radio frequencies and Joe Rogan clips from 2016
- Will fight you and the harbor patrol if you touch his bait cooler
Common Habitats:
- Commercial fishing boats with suspicious burn marks near the bilge
- Charter docks where someone just got fired or disappeared
- VFW bars with broken pool tables
- Forums arguing that fish finders are government mind-control devices
Not to be confused with an old salty dog—Captain Crank isn’t wise, he’s wired. You’ll know him by the jerky hand movements, a permanent squint (either from sun damage or sleep deprivation), and the overwhelming scent of bait, diesel, and regret.
Spotting Characteristics:
- Yellowed mustache from years of inhaling tinfoil smoke
- Boat held together by zip ties, duct tape, and spite
- Knows exactly where the fish are… but won’t tell you unless you “wake up to what’s really going on”
- Listens exclusively to ham radio frequencies and Joe Rogan clips from 2016
- Will fight you and the harbor patrol if you touch his bait cooler
Common Habitats:
- Commercial fishing boats with suspicious burn marks near the bilge
- Charter docks where someone just got fired or disappeared
- VFW bars with broken pool tables
- Forums arguing that fish finders are government mind-control devices
“We thought he was just passionate… until Captain Crank started yelling about fluoride in the chum.”
“Captain Crank brought us to the fish, but also brought a .38 and a full-blown manifesto.”
“If you smell burnt foil and hear something about ‘the government stealing our swordfish,’ turn around—that’s a Captain Crank.”
“He didn’t use sonar. He said he ‘felt the vibrations in his fillings.’ I’m never chartering with Captain Crank again.”
“Captain Crank brought us to the fish, but also brought a .38 and a full-blown manifesto.”
“If you smell burnt foil and hear something about ‘the government stealing our swordfish,’ turn around—that’s a Captain Crank.”
“He didn’t use sonar. He said he ‘felt the vibrations in his fillings.’ I’m never chartering with Captain Crank again.”
by Pary Moppins August 3, 2025
Get the Captain Crankmug. a rank refereed to in the address as "Commander *NAME" or "Captain *NAME*" being that it was for more practical application of intuitive command in highest regardings,
a commander of captains, therefore a battle master and elite appointed leader of roguest battle squadrons
refer then. a very high functioning intellect of life and death scenario, given in military
us. marine corps
a commander of captains, therefore a battle master and elite appointed leader of roguest battle squadrons
refer then. a very high functioning intellect of life and death scenario, given in military
us. marine corps
"Names among the dozen the kid Kyle rescued has been made an honorary captain commander of the marine corps, Commander Soren and they're freaking out he's a mastermind freedom fighter? they SAY anarchist, but he's really cool, and trusted, so duh."
by Setsuko Kaguya December 24, 2018
Get the captain commandermug. Captain America is a wanna be Soilder boy. Soldier Boy is the best american soldier and best soldier in the world. He eats russians and pisses oil for breakfast. He eats duty and serves the nation for lunch and for dinner he eats a 20 inch hotdog and shits out JUSTICE!
He is the perfect American. His mother is the U.S.A and his father is an Eagle. He stormed the beaches of normandie and he is the reason the allies won ww2. He is never scared becuase he is no pussy however He saddly died trying to stop a nuclear meltdown. He saved the world. He has been rumored to be alive all though it is simply a false rumor stated by Homelander himself.
He is the perfect American. His mother is the U.S.A and his father is an Eagle. He stormed the beaches of normandie and he is the reason the allies won ww2. He is never scared becuase he is no pussy however He saddly died trying to stop a nuclear meltdown. He saved the world. He has been rumored to be alive all though it is simply a false rumor stated by Homelander himself.
CA- Hi, Im captain america...
SB- "Im soldier boy! fuck! the world knows who i am why do i have to say it?
SB- "Im soldier boy! fuck! the world knows who i am why do i have to say it?
by Fanum tax November 8, 2023
Get the captain americamug. Dude with a slim build who sees himself as more of a Scottiah adonis body god
Usually found peacocking around the floor for no reason
Throws out a random flex when a member of the opposite sex is around
Usually found peacocking around the floor for no reason
Throws out a random flex when a member of the opposite sex is around
by Jonsnowknowsnowt July 27, 2016
Get the Captain Flexmug. by Starbornstarchild March 21, 2025
Get the The Captainmug. 