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New-Phone Theory

When you are out of ideas to tell your friend why he cannot get a girlfriend, or female attraction. So you have to be nice and say it’s the quality of his camera, say he needs a new phone.
No Jacob, you’re not ugly. Just get a new phone, the women will be all around you! It’s called the New-Phone Theory!
by Djay_man July 7, 2021
mugGet the New-Phone Theorymug.

Shit Sandwich Theory

A simple thought experiment to explain the process behind the electoral college

You and two friends decide to go out to eat for lunch, only one of you brought a card so you all agree to venmo the one who brought it after you eat as none of you brought any cash either.

You want to get some pizza, and your two friends want to eat human shit sandwiches, you decide to put it to a democratic vote because that’s obviously the most fair right?

You obviously lose and you have to eat the shit sandwich, sucks doesn’t it?

How could this have been avoided?

Simple, you make your vote worth 2, this forces an even tie and forces the shit sandwich twins (you should probably stop hanging out with them btw) to compromise, you all end up agreeing on burgers and you eat in relative peace

Now apply this logic to the electoral college, and you understand why the Montana Wheat farmer or the Wyoming cattle rancher’s state gets to have as much of a say as California or New York
Statement:“Land doesn’t vote, people do”

Retort: “Shit sandwich theory”
by Cockyrooster1135 June 19, 2022
mugGet the Shit Sandwich Theorymug.

The mushroom theory of management

An old, time-honored management technique in large corporations.

1. Keep your employees in the dark.
2. Feed them shit.
3. When they grow up, cut them off at the roots.
The CEO of XYZ Corp is a big believer in the mushroom theory of management.
by Hot Licks July 21, 2020
mugGet the The mushroom theory of managementmug.

Critical fat-cock theory

This only thing you WON'T steal and promulgate.
Hym "Nobody else thinks that's weird? They'll steal EVERYTHING BUT critical fat-cock theory! That isn't weird to anyone else? God, I think it's weird. Don't you? Critical fat-cock theory! The ultimate theory! So profound it terrifies scholars and charlatans alike."
by Hym Iam April 22, 2024
mugGet the Critical fat-cock theorymug.

The Forest Gump Theory

How long can your one run a day be during the UK lockdown before you get arrest.
by EXB FOR THE WIN March 24, 2020
mugGet the The Forest Gump Theorymug.

The John D. Theory

Any object, substance, or person has been created or built by a man/woman named John/Joan D. Whatever they created takes the place of their last name.
The John D. Theory is as follows: John D. Earth, also known as God, created the Earth.
by Kyle Ninneman February 28, 2020
mugGet the The John D. Theorymug.

Pie theory

If a woman knows how to make pie (pita), she knows how to cook.
Oh, she knows how to make a pie? I’ve also heard that she makes other food really well. That means the pie theory stands.
by Boz1998 September 30, 2023
mugGet the Pie theorymug.

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