Meth Critters

Also known as Crank Critters Typical to be found on anything just slightly out of your eyes focal point either moving quickly in the peripheral field of vision and then freezing just as soon as you turn to acknowledge its presence. Shapeshifters from another dimension known to turn into random pieces of rubbish upon closer inspection. Only found to be present entering day 4 and beyond of any typical crystal meth fueled bender regardless of ones predilection to psychosomatic hallucinations when sober. Aka the beginning of the end for the inevitably insane or anyone frequenting the outer rim of the frayed edges of sanity.
“You boys ever seen a meth critter before? What do you mean wtf am I smokin, the same shit as you dumbass you just hit on that big shit a few years and you’ll see for yourselves them lil shits are real!!! and if you quit yer jibber jabber in an giggles I’ll tell you weenus tuggin amateur 12 hour marathon masterbatin mommas boys exactly what meth critters are: because I stared into the soul of one eye to eye in the winter of El Niño 1997. So there I was waiting for my guy on the canal bank right beyond the edge of juvenile hall just smokin a cigarette minding my own on the porch of a buddies slut moms house early on a Thursday... no satur...or was it Friday? no that was lasterday and my buddy was still Down in Fresno at his dads for the week so yeah it must’ve been Monday already again...eh fuck it look the point is I heard that Meth Critter long before I saw him but then again there it was creeping from shadow to shadow making its way down the alley. Then just as we made eye contact & right then before my unblinking eyes bam! that meth critter turned into a fn Carl’s Jr. hamburger wrapper & then just as swiftly it was now a seagull that flew up an away into a swirling mist...” -wise words spoken by a toothless old tweaker with the confidence of a true believer as a PSA or cautionary tale to wide eyed and drug addled teenagers (aka: anytown usa’s neighborhood kids known to hang @ any Rick’s place in the trailer park)
by Big D!ck Daddy July 19, 2019
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critter style

A variation of the doggy style position of anal intercourse, in which the bottom is on his hands and knees, and the top penetrates him from behind. Critter-style is specifically when an older top is particularly aggressive in power-fucking a younger bottom, for example grabbing him around the waist for deeper, harder, more controlled strokes. The bottom is not allowed to masturbate his cock and often ends up with his face pressed into the floor, begging for release. A perfect critter-style fuck is achieved when both partners achieve orgasm simultaneously. Purists insist that a perfect critter-style fuck should also be bareback.
Remember that boi I met on MySpace? He came over last night and I drilled him critter style. Twice.
by MontMan January 22, 2007
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canyon critters

pimps that are bigger than Sam Curtis will ever be. They get way more girls and pussy then he ever will.
Chris is the pimpist canyon critter there is.
by canyon gangsta November 29, 2004
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coochie critters

Any form of louse, scabies, and most commonly scabs, or any other transferrable parasitic STD from an infected dirty swamp twat
Ew, dude, that girl had some coochie critters.
by Swamp Twat December 24, 2010
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clit critters

Any crustacean deriving from or within the vagina. Often associated with pussy crickets.
Courtney forgot to wash her backvag thus spawning a nest of clit critters.
by DietCokeCola February 28, 2010
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crispy critter

A term used for old people whose brains are so fried that they can't think straight.
"That old crispy critter just pulled out and almost hit me!"
by rsed November 10, 2006
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critter nads

balls that are formed on an alien looking baby & not normal
Kristofer has the nastiest looking critter nads
by bells February 23, 2008
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