jesus

not satan
have you heard ab jesus?
yeah he s not satan
by mariageorgeta12 December 22, 2020
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jesus

like the unicorn jesus is fictional but is believed to be real by a large amount of people who also believe that their is a very large invisible man in the sky.

He is said to have died on the cross for our sins. Then came back and then died again.
person 1'Hey look a unicorn'
person 2'unicorns arent real idiot'
Person 1'hey look jesus'
person 2'what? where?'
person 1' jesus isnt real idiot'
by jenibi November 20, 2011
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jesus

teh main char in a good book (although NGE improved on it a lot)
some god fanboy: I hate NGE
jesus: well I hate you
by Kaworukun September 04, 2007
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jesus

gonna be the guy who's gonna fuck up your life because you're gonna give into his mind games and shit like that. all he wants to do with you is fuck, fuck, and fuck because he's always bored and has no one to hangout with. basically a MAN HOE...
my life was going great until jesus started talking to me. yeah it was cool and shit since he kissed me, but later i found out he's hoeing around with other girls and flirting with anyone who gets in his way...
by life is hard bc of guys April 08, 2019
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jesus

coined the term "amen" after creating the practice of baptism where he dunks people's heads into water and stares at their ass. jesus is a lgbtqa+ icon therefore he is a lesbian protector and a great appreciator of men ass.
" Look at that juicy christian ass! Ah men, am I right?"

"JESUS! YOU USELESS HOMOSEXUAL!"
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jesus

Developed from the Old Persian "Yazhus", meaning "Anal Lord".

From ~1500BCE to ~60AD the Middle East was ruled by "Zgenhhus" - heterosexual Kings who spread their empire by impregnating hundreds, sometimes thousands of women in a lifetime.

The famous Jesus Christ (Yashua Bin Josef) was supposed to be the next in the natural line of these, as governed by the Magi, or Wise Men.

However, being agressively homosexual, he instead gained the nickname "Yazhus" (Anal Lord) and discontinued this line, causing thousands of years of worldwide war.

Historical experts agree that the reason of his terrible execution is not because of his flamboyent speeches. It is actually because he broke into the Roman ranks often and paraded around wearing nothing but a crown of psychoactive plants on his head, tricking the soldiers into being drug-induced rape victims.
Jesus, stop it! You're hurting me!
by Christian Sur December 09, 2005
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jesus

toyhos is jesus
by cyassiiherselflol October 01, 2021
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