Jesus FC

A term used by football enthusiasts in lieu of "Jesus Fucking Christ" whenever someone misses a really easy shot. Originally used to refer to Gabriel Jesus, but now can be used to refer to any player

Jesus FC, how does Balotelli miss that?

by j0k#r October 29, 2019

Sleeping With Jesus

Passing out drunk in a tub of water leaving potential for drowning and meeting Jesus

I was so drunk last night that I was sleeping with Jesus

by Christian88888 October 13, 2012

The Jesus Prayer

The Jesus Prayer is an invocation largely used by the Eastern Christian Church, particularly the Eastern Orthodox Church. It is prayed as, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner."

Neil recited the Jesus Prayer using his prayer beads.

by ohyeahpat August 1, 2012

Pulling a Jesus

When someone on chat says "BRB" and doesn't return for days.

Buddy: Hey bro, brb.
Friend: Aight, I'll be waiting
*3 days pass*
Buddy: Oh hey dude, i'm back, wassup?
Friend: DUDE, IT'S ALREADY THURSDAY, NICE JOB PULLING A JESUS!

by userbrn May 19, 2011

Jesus Crust

He is the son of Crust God. He was crucified for our memes and came back on the 3rd day to teach his diciples to spread the teachings Crust. Never touch his sock because if you do he will anally rape with a stick while screeching “REEEEEEEEEEE!”

I pray to thee, our lord Jesus Crust.

by Jesus Crust May 23, 2018

Fire Jesus

Fire Jesus is essentially real Jesus with two major differences; the ability to shoot flames, and the psychotic tendency to burn Pagans. He will spend vast amounts of time simply hunting down and burning Pagans with flames that spurt from his palms.

Pagan: Man, I sure am ready for a long day of bettering my society as a whole followed by some naturalistic tree worship!

Fire Jesus: My ass you are! *shoots flames which instantly incinerate said Pagan"

by Chocolate Pudding Man September 16, 2011

Jesus Handles

The handles inside a car by the seats that be hung on to when swerving around tight corners and yelling "JESUS!"

Alice hung on with all her might to the Jesus Handles and yelled the accompanying expression as Luke took a tight corner.

by Indigo Starr March 5, 2010