the vextro

The Vextro is a mythical German sex move so bizarre it supposedly makes both partners forget their own names; it starts with the “Vextro Prime” lying naked in a glass canoe filled with whipped cream while the “Counter-Thrust” stands on a wobbly step ladder wearing a gas mask and humming Beethoven’s 5th; Prime is spun in the canoe by three naked men in lederhosen until they reach exactly 43 RPM, at which point Counter-Thrust cannonballs in, locking thighs with Prime to create a “meat gyroscope” that generates enough friction to set nearby houseplants on fire; mid-spin, a trained pigeon wearing lingerie swoops down to drop a cherry into Prime’s mouth, which must be swallowed without chewing or the Vextro “fails” and both must start over; the move ends when the canoe tips, dumping both into a pit of lukewarm jelly where a disoriented referee in clown makeup declares a winner based on “style points”, survivors report dizziness, speaking only in rhymes for 48 hours, and an unshakable fear of whipped cream, this can result to death.

john: no one can survive this move, not even the man who invented it.

jayden: i’ll do this watch me.

8 weeks later, jayden was found dead with his jaw and legs missing which is completely unrelated to the vextro

by pzmy August 11, 2025

The Mikey Vetty

In the act of ejaculation, a male rips off some of his (preferably pubic) hair, places the hair on his male/female partner's face and ejaculates on his/her face. The sperm allows for the hair to stick to the partner's face, to resemble facial hair.

"Dude, what did you do to that girl over their last night, it looks like your pubes are on his face."
"I did 'The Mikey Vetty' on her. It was totally worth it."

by randbots December 14, 2012