From the vantage point of a rational human with functioning gustatory papillae, the lamb meat in all forms is the gastronomic equivalent of getting kicked in the testicles.
Imagine, if you will, meat that tastes like it’s been marinated in dirty old sweaters, perfumed with a hint of petting zoo after a spring rain, and garnished with the toxic secretions of a cane toad. The consumption of lamb is less a meal and more an elaborate prank gone wrong.
The texture? A true paradox. Somehow it is both sinewy and gelatinous, as though the animal was full of despair and sadness before its untimely demise. And the smell, how in tarnation can it smell that foul? The stench wafts through a home like the ghost of livestock past, clinging to drapes, walls, and assaulting the olfactory senses of every poor soul who is in the vicinity.
Supposed connoisseurs will wax poetic about its “earthy richness” or “rich, robust, and well-balanced flavor” which, when translated from nonsense speak to to honest English, means “sweaty mutton disguised as fine dining”. It is not “delicate,” it is despicable; it is not “robust,” but a belligerent assault on the taste buds.
Lamb should only be served if your guests have wronged you terribly or if you have lost all hope in the potential of food bringing you, or others, joy.
In conclusion, a lamb as a dish is best served NEVER. It is a betrayal of the palate, a disgrace to the kitchen, and a compelling argument for vegetarianism.
Imagine, if you will, meat that tastes like it’s been marinated in dirty old sweaters, perfumed with a hint of petting zoo after a spring rain, and garnished with the toxic secretions of a cane toad. The consumption of lamb is less a meal and more an elaborate prank gone wrong.
The texture? A true paradox. Somehow it is both sinewy and gelatinous, as though the animal was full of despair and sadness before its untimely demise. And the smell, how in tarnation can it smell that foul? The stench wafts through a home like the ghost of livestock past, clinging to drapes, walls, and assaulting the olfactory senses of every poor soul who is in the vicinity.
Supposed connoisseurs will wax poetic about its “earthy richness” or “rich, robust, and well-balanced flavor” which, when translated from nonsense speak to to honest English, means “sweaty mutton disguised as fine dining”. It is not “delicate,” it is despicable; it is not “robust,” but a belligerent assault on the taste buds.
Lamb should only be served if your guests have wronged you terribly or if you have lost all hope in the potential of food bringing you, or others, joy.
In conclusion, a lamb as a dish is best served NEVER. It is a betrayal of the palate, a disgrace to the kitchen, and a compelling argument for vegetarianism.
Jacob: You should come over for dinner tonight.
Patricia: That sounds lovely, what are we having?
Jacob: A lamb dinner, I was thinking a roast leg of lamb.
Patricia: I just threw up in my mouth.
Jacob: Lamb Souvlaki?
Patricia: I would rather starve.
Jacob: Lamb chops?
Patricia: Que distinguida.
Jacob: Lamb kofta?
Patricia: Que feo.
Jacob: Lamb Shank Ragu?
Patricia: Ohhhh, you know what? I just remembered, I am busy tonight, sorry.
-----------------------------------
Fact: There is literally no version of lamb that is not completely disgusting
Patricia: That sounds lovely, what are we having?
Jacob: A lamb dinner, I was thinking a roast leg of lamb.
Patricia: I just threw up in my mouth.
Jacob: Lamb Souvlaki?
Patricia: I would rather starve.
Jacob: Lamb chops?
Patricia: Que distinguida.
Jacob: Lamb kofta?
Patricia: Que feo.
Jacob: Lamb Shank Ragu?
Patricia: Ohhhh, you know what? I just remembered, I am busy tonight, sorry.
-----------------------------------
Fact: There is literally no version of lamb that is not completely disgusting
by Volando Con El Viento April 20, 2025
Get the Lamb dinnermug. Usually a woman (even if there have been some male cases reported) user of dating apps, that prefers collecting first dates, to have as many paid dinners as possible.
"Hey Samantha! Did you plan going out for dinner with Gordon again?"
"Of course not! He paid the bill on the first date, so the second time would be my turn. Therefore next dinner out is with Mortimer".
"you're such a dinner digger!".
"Of course not! He paid the bill on the first date, so the second time would be my turn. Therefore next dinner out is with Mortimer".
"you're such a dinner digger!".
by Barabbaz November 30, 2021
Get the Dinner Diggermug. A young, rural looking, skinny bitch, pre-crackhead, that always looks a little dirty, like she need to take a shower, and periodically has spaghetti o's orange stains on a few of her teeth, but for some reason you still want to fuck her and for some reason so does everyone else and she lets them.
Eh she's a dinner bitch, everyone always eats at the dinner, it's not as classy as a waffle house at 2 A.M, but you can still get away with anything you want, never have to clean up, but sometimes you have to wait. if you can get her attention she'll tag you right in and you'll probably see someone you know.
by JuGGsorTuGs April 19, 2022
Get the Dinner Bitchmug. A term used during preparation for the Thanksgiving Holliday in which one’ marinates the shaft of their penis in a mixture of dressing and seasoning overnight in a plastic bag. The penis is then removed from the formula the following morning during fixation of the Turkey. The penis then enters the hole of the turkey and thrusting takes place over and over until climax is completed. Next the penis shall drag all across the top of the turkey to removed excess sauces from the spermal marination combo.
Family Friend: Wow! This turkey tastes amazing! What is the secret ingredient?
Me: I tried a completely new method this year when prepping the turkey. I incorporated the Turkish Dinner Dish!
Family Friend: Amazing!!! I thought the turkey tasted extra salty.
Me: I tried a completely new method this year when prepping the turkey. I incorporated the Turkish Dinner Dish!
Family Friend: Amazing!!! I thought the turkey tasted extra salty.
by ProudGateKeeper December 8, 2024
Get the Turkish Dinner Dishmug. 
by bobswift August 5, 2019
Get the Kid dinnermug. a social gathering of friends at Denise's on a Tuesday
each friend plans dinner once, takes charge of the stove but makes others cut the onions
a few bottles of wine are shared, occasionally the group has cocktails
the evening ends in conversations way too deep for a Tuesday night, a dance party or someone falling asleep on a beanbag
each friend plans dinner once, takes charge of the stove but makes others cut the onions
a few bottles of wine are shared, occasionally the group has cocktails
the evening ends in conversations way too deep for a Tuesday night, a dance party or someone falling asleep on a beanbag
Natalie: Can we go to Lidl? I need to get stuff for the Gnocchi for Tuesday Dinner.
Marina: Yes! Is Joe making cocktails?
Marina: Yes! Is Joe making cocktails?
by denisez April 18, 2021
Get the Tuesday Dinnermug.