Turtle Text

When the most incredible woman you have ever met in your life finally opens up and sends the most amazing text or e-mail, but immediately retreats back into her shell never to be seen or heard from again.

Patti broke my heart when she sent me a Turtle Text and severed all contact right after hitting send.

by ice cold asshole March 7, 2010

Turtle Vulture

Creature takes that takes shelter in someone's closet that plays Xbox all day, and gives up eggs every month for rent.
When frightened it uses it's beak to peck away at the unsuspecting victim.

Dude 1: Don't go in my closet the turtle vulture will get you.
Dude 2: WTF is a turtle vulture?
Dude 1: Go in the closet and find out.
Dude 2: *Opens closet door* "Holy shit, it's pecking my eyes out!"
Dude 1: Curiosity killed the cat.

by Xplode44 June 29, 2011

turtle cave

The asshole.

"Hey did you get sexy with her last night?"
"Oh yeah, I tongue buttered her turtle cave so hard!"

by MindingFreedom September 2, 2017

Fat Turtle

A overweight turtle, nothing more.

Man, that is a Fat Turtle!

by FatTurtle1337 November 23, 2013

turtle gang

worst fortnite discord server ever. their staff is bad and if i could choose, i would demote all of them other than dannyy. he is a real mvp. @dannyyy i love you bro

turtle gang is a bad discord server, you should not join it. what you should is hit up dannyy though.

by ShapeFromTurtleGangMGMT August 9, 2020

Turtle Whore

Women who tease excesivly but are slower than old people fucking to give out.

Katie is such a Turtle Whore

by Rawr Cookie February 15, 2006

Jade Turtle

A Jade Turtle is special sex act performed on a man provided at an Asian massage parlor. The masseuse, dripping a small amount of oil onto the mans flaccid penis, gently squeezes the foreskin over the head, pinching it loosely with thumb and forefinger. The opposite hand then tickles the balls or nipples until the penis becomes erect, pushing and poking out of the foreskin like a curious turtles head.

'Man, I stopped at this Asian Massage parlor last week, and before I got my happy ending, the masseuse gave me a Jade Turtle!"

by Dr Knob September 24, 2010