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The most beautiful person in the world 

You (no takebacks) <3333
Person 1:who is the most beautiful person in the world??
Person 2: the person reading this on their screen

blisters in the whiskers

Bro, I met this hot Canadian chick last night...

Yea, you know what they say about Canadian women...

What's that?

Check for blisters in the whiskers...

our backs are up against the wall 

When you are in a difficult situation in a lifetime with emotional distress.
We're desperate. We have no where to go. We have to fight our way out of this, confront what is in front of us. Our backs are up against the wall.

Fell Out Of The Ugly Tree And Hit Every Branch On The Way Down

(adj.) a term used to describe an immensely ugly person, usually referring to members of the other sex.
The ugly tree being the source of ugly people (to grow on the ugly tree like a fruit etc. is to be of undesirable appearance).
Bob: (points to a female) good lord my dear man, take a gander at yonder female, she is quite hideous I do protest!

Bruce: (in disgust) I must agree old chap, poor lady seems to have fallen out of the ugly tree!

Bob: I would go as far as to say she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!

Bob and Bruce: (both scoff)

a babe in the woods

He's just a babe in the woods. He needs someone to protect him.

The Wart Remover 

To remove a wart or mole on a girl's face by giving her a facial and aiming for the blemish, and then immediately shoving her into an industrial freezer. When it is completely frozen you take her out and chip it off.
My ex girlfriend had 3 brown eyes until I gave her the wart remover.