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Murphy’s law

When a woman give a fellatio to a man after consuming potential barf material and end up puking on the man’s shaft
« Man , Jessica showed me what Murphy’s law was last night »
by Canadiah December 12, 2019
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Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance

"You can stroll a store's aisles till Doomsday and never spot da item you want, but then, just as soon as you interrupt a staffperson to ask for help in locating said desirable, THAT'S when you will notice your sought-after item right off!"
While stocking up on food at a Super Walmart, I was looking for larger packages of Armour Vienna sausage so that I could save a few cents per can, but although I had thoroughly searched the surrounding areas on the shelves, I still hadn't found anything bigger than the small six-packs, so I finally asked a nearby employee if there were any of the larger packages in stock, possibly in the back room. Well, just as we were both walking back to the area of the aisle where I'd been looking, THAT'S when I finally spied the 12-packs that were sitting on the very top shelf! Guess that was a classic case of Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance... ah, well, again, the 12-packs were indeed sitting very high up, so at least that was a plausible excuse for my not having seen them before, especially since the store usually doesn't even expect its customers to notice stuff that's placed 'way up there, anyway; that "lofty" location is merely where they store extra merchandise for replenishing the lower-down shelves when the stock there starts to run low.
by QuacksO May 14, 2019
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Murphy's Law of Intersections

"You can 'watch 'n' observe' as carefully as you please while driving and you will still miss your turn-off, and so no amount of continued 'Oh, I'm sure it's just around the next curve" tootling further down the road will bring you to it. But if you do actually decide to turn around and go back to see if you did inadvertently pass your desired intersection, it will of course NOT be 'back there', and you will subsequently find out that you'd been within just a few hundred yards of it at the point when you'd turned around, and so you simply wasted gas and time by backtracking; it had indeed been 'just around the next corner', and so you'd have reached it the first time if you simply hadn't been so gol-durned impatient."
I missed my turn-off during a road-trip because I was carefully watching out for traffic and thus never noticed the side-road I wanted --- classic case of Murphy's Law of Intersections!
by QuacksO May 18, 2019
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Murphy's Law of Foul-Weather Gear

"If you 'prepare for the worst' by bringing along extra jackets/gloves, an umbrella, etc., then the skies will be sunny and mild all the time you're 'out 'n' about'. But if you decide to leave all that stuff behind at home and set out on your trip in just your ordinary street-clothes, there'll be a bleepin' MONSOON or HURRICANE!
The morning started out kinda overcast and nippy, so I brought an umbrella, thick hoodie-jacket, and gloves with me when I set out to run some errands around town. Well, naturally, once I got a fair distance from home and thus I didn't wanna traipse all the way back to put everything away again, the sun came out and the day got really warm, and so I was just feverishly lugging all that extra stuff around with me for nothing... classic case of "Murphy's Law of Foul-Weather Gear", I guess.
by QuacksO May 18, 2019
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"You can sit around at home till Doomsday and the prices at the pumps will stay fairly low, incessantly tempting you to travel. But the moment you decide to take off somewhere and head out on your trip, the price for a gallon of gas will go right through the roof!"
Gas-prices seemed fairly "stable" all summer, and so I delayed a road-trip for a while to "save up" or "accumulate" a number of errands so that hopefully my trip would be more cost-effective with regards to gas-consumption, but then when I stopped to fill up my tank in the morning when I was first heading out, the price had suddenly jumped over a quarter higher per gallon! Sounds like a classic case of "Murphy's Law of Gasoline Prices" to me!
by QuacksO September 12, 2019
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Murphy's Law of Gambling

"You can patronize the slots till Doomsday or buy any number of scratch-off tickets and never gain any significant winnings, but then just as soon as you stop playing, the very next player will win big."
Many an addicted gamer believes in Murphy's Law of Gambling, even though it is indeed :"all chance" and thus seldom actually works out that way.
by QuacksO September 12, 2019
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Murphy's Law of Snoring

"Your slumber-partner will snooze silently during periods that you're up and away from the boudoir, but then he will totally 'saw logs' whenever you're actually cohabitating with him --- and wanting to get some shut-eye --- in the same bed."
Perhaps many instances of Murphy's Law of Snoring stem from the snorer's needing more space to "spread out", which he would have whenever he has the whole bed to himself; being more cramped can restrict air-passages and so on..
by QuacksO September 29, 2019
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