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sweat wipes

When you are sitting in a hot ass porto-potty that is baking in the scorching hot sun and the sweat off your back is running down your ass crack, your ass full of sweat turns your toilet paper wad into a wet wipe when you go to wipe your ass.
Q: Arthur, is your bunghole feeling fresh after that deuce you just dropped?

A: Why yes, Theresa, yes indeed. It was so damn hot in that fucking portable toilet that I was gifted with sweat wipes to freshen my ass! Now may I please receive that BJ you offered me this morning for raking the leaves?
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Shweat Wipe 

The act of wiping ones inexplicably shitty arse without having actually passed a stool.
"Man, you would not have believed that was just a shweat wipe, I saw sweetcorn!"

Sweaty one wiper 

A person who tries to slyly give their sweaty bum a quick wipe in public, who is then caught.
“Graham caught his colleague having a sweaty one wiper in the toilet

Sweaty one wiper 

A person who tries to give their sweaty bum a quick wipe in public, who is caught by another person.
“Graham walked into the toilet and caught his colleague having a sweaty one wiper