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if it ain't rice it ain't nice

A: She is a hot white blonde
B(gigachad): If it ain't rice it ain't nice

This is why we can't have nice things 

No matter how nice of a thing you have, no matter how hard you may try, someone will always find a way to fuck it up.
Josh: Hey bro can I borrow your phone?
Me: I dunno man, I just bought this. I don't even have a case on it yet!
Josh: Chill dude, I ain't gonna break it. It'll just take a second..
Me: Okay...
Josh:*Immediately drops it on the ground, denting the corner*
Me: God damn it Josh, this is why we can't have nice things.

This is why we can't have nice things 

What a mother yells whenever something gets broke
*CRASH*
Kids (in sync of course): "I didn't do it!"
Mother: "THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!"

That's why we can't have nice things 

It's a statement a mom or dad would make, while exasperated with their child for having broken some household item. For instance, a mother buys a new small appliance for her kitchen, let's say its a stand mixer. The kids start playing with it and jam something in the blades and burn out the motor. Mom walks in and sees the mess and yells, "See! That's why we can't have nice things!"

It's a comment that is actually an irrational thing to say, but it's funny for that reason. A very "mom/dad" thing they would say in the heat of the moment.
"See! That's why we can't have nice things! Dad just bought this VCR, and you kids put a sandwich in it! Now it's broken!"
Them boots are Nice't!
Nice't by Maricon July 31, 2016

This is why we can't have nice things 

1.) The inability to possess quality goods or services.

2.) Shit we can't have.
3.) Used to describe the consequences of an asshole.
1.) "God dammit Schmidt, this is why we can't have nice things."
2.) "He pissed on my desk, this is why we can't have nice things."
3.) "You grabbed her ass, this is why you can't have a nice thing."