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Rash's Patented Quick Fix For Everything 

take the top layer of skin off with a knife and pour bleach on it

works for: poison ivy, chiggers, burns, cuts, scrapes, sunburn, chemical burns, AIDS, cancer, etc..
"DUDE! I had some wicked poison ivy, but i used Rash's Patented Quick Fix For Everything and got rid of it ASAP"

-"I think that chick last night might've had something. My crotch itches like hell."
+"You should try Rash's Patented Quick Fix For Everything"
-"OW!"

Normally occurs at the tail-end of an upset-stomach deuce. When you fire off a bunch of quick-hitting farts, in a firecracker pattern, with no substance or stink with the sound being amplified by the toilet bowl. 

Normally occurs at the tail-end of an upset-stomach deuce. When you fire off a bunch of quick-hitting farts, in a firecracker pattern, with no substance or stink with the sound being amplified by the toilet bowl. which is a good messgae