Garth (noun) —
A Gaarf running at maximum corruption.
A Garth is the networking gremlin who treats cable management like foreplay and gets more turned on by a straight fiber run than by actual human affection. His idea of intimacy is whispering sweet nothings to a switch during a firmware upgrade.
A Garth (aka Gaarf) supports a Portuguese
football team with the kind of blind, horny loyalty usually found only in dogs and drunk uncles. When Portugal loses, a Garth collapses emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes physically — like a router someone kicked one too many times.
Traits of a full-power Garth include:
• labeling
EVERYTHING, including things that shouldn’t be labeled
• going feral when someone uses the wrong cable colour
•
throwing a fit so dramatic it should be on Netflix
• lecturing you on “industry standards” while his life is held together with hope, zip ties, and rage
• getting more offended by a messy rack than by an insult to his mother
A Garth’s
personality is 60% networking, 30% football delusion, and 10% sweating aggressively whenever something is out of place. Touch his patch panel and he’ll appear out of nowhere like a demon summoned by untidy cabling.
