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There is a global pandemic going on and you’re worried about a banter fest. I’m definitely not going to attend, don’t know about the rest of you, but I care about my life 

The act of roasting physics teachers and messaging the whole sixth form about why attending a banter fest during a global pandemic is an inadvisable thing to do.
Physics teacher: Hey guys I organised a banter fest for you next Monday. It'll be really fun!
Sensible person: There is a global pandemic going on and you’re worried about a banter fest. I’m definitely not going to attend, don’t know about the rest of you, but I care about my life
Physics teacher: Oh I'm sorry I didn't...
Sensible person: There is a global pandemic going on and you’re worried about a banter fest. I’m definitely not going to attend, don’t know about the rest of you, but I care about my life
Physics teacher: *Leaves school to go live in a remote Siberian village*

global pooping pandemic 

where everybody all has to poop at the same time
did you hear about the global pooping pandemic?”

global pandemilovato 

Global pandemilovato (also pandemi lovato) is a wordplay on the word "global pandemic" and the singer-song writer "Demi Lovato," in reference to the COVID-19 pandemic. Initially coined by TikTok users, this COVIDism was created to humorously describe the historical global health pandemic.

Similar terms include: global pandaemonium, global panorama (or panoramic), global pandemilovato, global pandora (or pandora's box), global panini, and global panera bread
All bars and restaurants are closed because of this global pandemilovato