weyus's definitions

digital beanie babies

A synonym for cryptocurrency.

John: Did you hear about how the CryptBS coin just plummeted in value? I'm down like $5000! Fuck!
Rick: Man, I told you not to be buying no digital beanie babies, didn't I?
John: ARRRRGGGGGHHHH!

by weyus November 10, 2022

asshole asymptote

The mathematical function that describes how you can’t really get all of the shit off your asshole by wiping. It is asymptotic and tends towards 0 as a function of number of wipes, but never quite gets there.

With a bidet, it’s actually possible to clean your asshole completely. Wiping just follows the asshole asymptote.

by weyus November 9, 2022

ingratio

Providing fellatio in order to ingratiate yourself to one or more people and get something you want in return. While this can literally occur, often it is meant euphemistically.

Bob, hoping to get a job after some time being laid off, considered the idea of ingratio with respect to his new job.
During the interview he thought "Gentlemen, I'm excited to start sucking this cock." Luckily, he did not say this out loud.

by weyus February 5, 2021

rational blue balls

The extreme mental and sometimes emotional frustration that comes from trying to reason with someone who is not using rationality to drive their decisions (e.g. religious fanatics, conspiracy theorists, etc.)

John: Hey have you heard about this documentary called "Plandemic" - it's about how THEY created the coronavirus in order to enslave us with a vaccine that everyone "has to take".

Peter: What the fuck are you talking about John? I watched it and it's clearly horseshit. No one in that video is credible and almost all of them have been debunked as crackpots elsewhere...why are you telling me about this shit?

John: Dude, you don't understand, THEY have a plan and we are going to lose our freedom, bro. Why can't you see? Don't be a sheep, man!

Peter: Thanks John, now you've given me rational blue balls. I need to go talk with a reasonable person and maybe I'll feel better.

by weyus May 7, 2020

cooter haulin'

The process whereby a woman uses her vagina to transport items (usually contraband). A female-only alternative to the prison wallet.

Mary: Hey Bob, here's that pot vape pen you wanted.
Bob: Thanks! But how did you get it past customs?
Mary: I did a bit of cooter haulin'.
Bob: (as he gingerly sets the pen down) Ummm, thanks?

by weyus July 26, 2018

toxic waste dump

A bowel movement that stinks to high heaven, leaves streaks on the toilet porcelain, and in many cases, induces tears in anyone who comes near it. Anyone who comes in contact with it feels like it's an environmental disaster. Often the consistency of a chocolate soft serve ice cream.

Dan: What the fuck just happened in the shitter - it stinks like Love Canal?!? Wes - what did you do?
Wes: (sheeplishly grinning) I just took a toxic waste dump. Soary.

by weyus July 26, 2018

living bicariously

Experiencing intimacy with a person of the same sex through someone else. Note that the person whom you are living bicariously through can be of either sex.

Bob: Hey John, why are you so close to Tina since she's been dating Rob? She barely even has time for you since she and Rob bang all the time.
John: Believe it or not, I find myself really attracted to Bob, and I'm living bicariously through Tina.
Bob: Bro....

by weyus June 5, 2018