theWestHamfan's definitions

cock conk

a nose shaped like a penis

karl maldern's cock conk nearly won him an oscar for best supporting nose

by theWestHamfan January 20, 2004

crutchless panties

panties with the crutch missing

essex girl "ooh i've been wearing these crutchless panties and i think my bearded oyster may have frostbite."
paramedic. "no, it's just that you must learn to take out the fanny haddock BEFORE you put the new one in. "There's fifteen in here!"

by theWestHamfan November 27, 2003

doughnut swirly

when one is crapping and eating a doughnut at the same time; as one stands to wipe one's arse, one accidentally drops the doughnut into the pan. the dilemma is; should one pick out the doughnut, wash it under the tap, and carry on eating?

colin "what's that brown stain round your north and south kev?"
kevin "i've jus' finished a doughnut swirly."

by theWestHamfan December 15, 2003

dickie fender

a penis shield

"he's boxing tonight, he's got 'is dickie fender on"

by theWestHamfan October 22, 2003

gingivitis

swollen gums through giving too much felatio

Oi Kinnock, no wonder your gingivitus has flared - GET OFF THAT NOW!

by theWestHamfan November 3, 2003

copulate

to have illicit intercourse with a serving police officer

sgt. cryer told thunderthighs that if she let him copulate with herin the panda, then he would'nt charge her with
soliciting

by theWestHamfan November 14, 2003

pocket billiards

to play with one's meat and two veg via a hole/holes in one's pocket/pockets

"why is colin walking funny like that?" questioned steven.
"he's playing pocket billiards again" kevin jealously replied

by theWestHamfan December 18, 2003