Definitions by sir bartholomew mctavish
bapjizm
The act of baptising a girlfriend, wife, fuck buddy (daughter's?) breast or "baps" region with god's sticky nectar.
PATRICK:I say, did you hear that Tom Baker and Lalla Ward were married in the early 1980s?
SPONGEBOB: No. Bet she got a few bapjizm s off that ex monk ex Time Lord kick ass old dude, who's still on Little Britain.
PATRICK: Sphincter.
SPONGEBOB: No. Bet she got a few bapjizm s off that ex monk ex Time Lord kick ass old dude, who's still on Little Britain.
PATRICK: Sphincter.
bapjizm by Sir Bartholomew McTavish July 25, 2009
cuntanet
1:) cuntanet: The online interwebbing tool invented a thousand years ago by people who obviously want other people to be able to get in touch with them because the telephone and the front door weren't inconvienient enough.
2:)A place to which all 10% of non porn is given over to people who have no lives. EG: gamers, moaners, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreaders, newslisteners, mothers who try to ban kids books when they should be being mothers. Essentially anyone not doing, watching or making porn use the cuntanet.
2:)A place to which all 10% of non porn is given over to people who have no lives. EG: gamers, moaners, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreaders, newslisteners, mothers who try to ban kids books when they should be being mothers. Essentially anyone not doing, watching or making porn use the cuntanet.
STEVE: Yo, Dude where the hell are you?
DAVE: I'm on the cuntanet.
STEVE: The what?
DAVE: The cuntanet.
STEVE: Yeah, I heard, I'm not deaf. What the fuck is the cuntanet?
DAVE: It's where us bloggers, gamers, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreader, newlisteners, mothers, facebookers,bebo-ers and myspacers waste our time, lives, potential-full futures because the world and human society has become a vapid tract of poo, where all need of entelechy has dissipated from our causal descent of beginning and end.
STEVE: So, it's your stupid name for the internet.
DAVE: Why don't you go practise your grapholagnia?
STEVE:Because you're too busy in the bathroom practising your emunctionon your anus.
DAVE: I'm on the cuntanet.
STEVE: The what?
DAVE: The cuntanet.
STEVE: Yeah, I heard, I'm not deaf. What the fuck is the cuntanet?
DAVE: It's where us bloggers, gamers, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreader, newlisteners, mothers, facebookers,bebo-ers and myspacers waste our time, lives, potential-full futures because the world and human society has become a vapid tract of poo, where all need of entelechy has dissipated from our causal descent of beginning and end.
STEVE: So, it's your stupid name for the internet.
DAVE: Why don't you go practise your grapholagnia?
STEVE:Because you're too busy in the bathroom practising your emunctionon your anus.
cuntanet by Sir Bartholomew McTavish July 22, 2009
cockonuts
1:) Not just insane but cock-o-nuts insane.
2:) Dick & balls euphemism.
3:) Jim's granny from American Pie 3.
2:) Dick & balls euphemism.
3:) Jim's granny from American Pie 3.
HERMAPHRODITE #1: Dude, why do you have that Sony Playstation 3 up your ass?
DUDE: Because I like it.
HERMAPHRODITE #1:Dude, you're not just insane, you're cockonuts.
DUDE: Thanks.
DUDE: Because I like it.
HERMAPHRODITE #1:Dude, you're not just insane, you're cockonuts.
DUDE: Thanks.
cockonuts by Sir Bartholomew McTavish February 17, 2009
mingsane
The exact word to describe the level of non sanity of Ming the Merciless from the Flash Gordon universe.
Why any hero would be named after an all purpose cleaner is beyond me.
Why any hero would be named after an all purpose cleaner is beyond me.
After Ming was impaled on Flash's ship in the 1980s movie of the same name, as Flash.
Dale: You just impaled him with that spaceship!
Flash: Yeah, I know. I kick ass don't I?
Dale: That Ming was mad.
Flash: Yeah, you could say he was 'Mingsane'
Dale: Oh Flash, you're so funny.
Flash: I know. Shall we make out and laugh at Brian Blessed's pants?
Dale: Oh yes please, then I'd like to recieve your seed, on top of that spiky spinning platform thing where that dude's eyes popped out.
Flash: Yeah. I'm great aren't I? I play football.
Dale: You just impaled him with that spaceship!
Flash: Yeah, I know. I kick ass don't I?
Dale: That Ming was mad.
Flash: Yeah, you could say he was 'Mingsane'
Dale: Oh Flash, you're so funny.
Flash: I know. Shall we make out and laugh at Brian Blessed's pants?
Dale: Oh yes please, then I'd like to recieve your seed, on top of that spiky spinning platform thing where that dude's eyes popped out.
Flash: Yeah. I'm great aren't I? I play football.
mingsane by Sir Bartholomew McTavish February 17, 2009
Weird Al Spankovich
Euphemistic. Same as 'Shake Hands with Tommy Tank' or 'Making Love to Madame Palm and Her Five Lovely Daughters' or even 'I'm Going to do a Barclays'
SON: Don't come in Mum, I'm trying to meet Weird Al Spankovich.
MUM: Are you fucking wanking in that bathroom again?
SON: Maybe. (Ughhhhhgggh.)
MUM: Well hurry the fuck up, I need to shit as well and your Dad's downstairs fucking your sister in the other toilet.
SON: What?
MUM: What?
MUM: Are you fucking wanking in that bathroom again?
SON: Maybe. (Ughhhhhgggh.)
MUM: Well hurry the fuck up, I need to shit as well and your Dad's downstairs fucking your sister in the other toilet.
SON: What?
MUM: What?
Weird Al Spankovich by Sir Bartholomew McTavish February 17, 2009
facecool
facecool is what happens when you try to type out Facebook in a text message with T9 predictive-fucking-text on.
DAVID: Whoah, Rebecca, Victoria's on to us, somebody just text me saying that Victoria's figured out how to use a computer and has just spotted our facecool page.
REBECCA: What the fuck is facecool?
DAVID: I don't know, it's in this text. Can we go to Disney Land Rebecca, you promised.
REBECCA: What the fuck is facecool?
DAVID: I don't know, it's in this text. Can we go to Disney Land Rebecca, you promised.
facecool by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 5, 2009
bottom bollocks
Where a fit young girl has top bollocks, an older chesticularly gravity afflicted lady will have bottom bollocks.
1:)
Ricky: Bianca, can I touch your bottom bollocks?
Bianca: What are you trying to say? 'Ave I got saggy tits or sumfing?
Ricky: Well,I'd be lying if I said no, but they're still really nice and...OWW...wotchoo 'it me for you daft facking woman.
2:)
Lindsay Lohan, in 30 years.
Catherine Zeta, in 15 years.
Ellen Degeneres, now.
Ricky: Bianca, can I touch your bottom bollocks?
Bianca: What are you trying to say? 'Ave I got saggy tits or sumfing?
Ricky: Well,I'd be lying if I said no, but they're still really nice and...OWW...wotchoo 'it me for you daft facking woman.
2:)
Lindsay Lohan, in 30 years.
Catherine Zeta, in 15 years.
Ellen Degeneres, now.
bottom bollocks by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2009