sciflyer.25's definitions

Rug rod

Similar to a fishing rod, an instrument used to snag and retrieve an obvious toupee that looks horrendous.

Vinny: Check out that middle-aged fool hitting on the brunette. With a hairpiece like that, he has no shot at banging her.
Carl: Yeah, I'll get the rug rod out of the trunk and expose this assclown's dome!

by sciflyer.25 February 21, 2013

Piñata Immigration Reform

Phrase used to describe immigration reform that provides an equal opportunity for any illegal with a clean record to win their American citizenship. One convicted felon is removed from the prison system, and with feet and hands bound, strung up at the town square. A small group of illegal immigrants are provided a set of golf clubs to choose from, are blindfolded and the fun begins.
Illegals wielding a wood or driver are given 2 swings, while iron club users get 1 swing before moving to the next participant. The wetback that delivers the deathblow is granted American citizenship. The general public is encouraged to gather round and enjoy the festivities.

Juan: I can’t wait for my chance to become an American. I’ve been practice swinging down at the range all week!
Carlos: Yes señor Juan, I too have dreamed of this day of Piñata Immigration Reform! Town square is decorated nicely and will be quite the fiesta today!

by sciflyer.25 April 18, 2013

The Destitutioner

Executioner of the destitute. The Destitutioner can be your hired gun for an array of homeless people problems, from those that simply beg for change to the windshield washer type that use filthy newspaper to "earn" that pay. Manner of bum death is the employer's choice, and the destitutioner will either urinate or defecate - or both - on the departed at no extra charge!

Mr. Morgan: God dammit, I am sick and tired of that corner derelict always nagging me for my hard-earned money. I wish there was a way to permanently rid him from society.
Mr. Morgan's co-worker: Hire the Destitutioner. Trust me, you will never be hassled for another dime by that waste of life again.

by sciflyer.25 February 4, 2013

Dunham Diet

A simple and cost-effective way to diet and lose weight . No need for exercise. Simply looking at a picture of Lena Dunham will reduce your appetite by inducing nausea and vomiting. Works for the average person, anorexics and bulimics.

I've lost 10 pounds in the last 2 weeks by following the Dunham Diet. It works. I had no idea that just looking at pictures of a doughy appetite suppressant can help me lose weight!

by sciflyer.25 February 24, 2018

snuffalump

Combination of the words snuffaluffagus and heffalump used to describe an individual who lacks common sense, is obese and extremely lazy, slowly moving only when the senses of sight or smell have detected a hint of food.

What is that beast Stefanie doing near a McDonald's drive-thru? Why isn't she in the barn with the rest of the livestock?
That fat-ass snuffalump must be tired of grazing in the pasture with the rest of the herd. Only a grease factory like Micky-D's could have attracted it.

by sciflyer.25 September 16, 2010

Outback coma

The way one feels after gorging at Outback Steakhouse. The meal usually consists of multiple servings of bread, cheese fries, salad, porterhouse, and potatoes - all washed down with a few tall draft beers, followed by desert that is force-fed no matter the feeling of fullness.

Honey, I ate way to much at the Outback. I feel like I'm going to go into an Outback coma. If I fall asleep, don't bother waking me, I'll see you in the morning.

by sciflyer.25 February 6, 2013

Singular Sclerosis

The retarded cousin of Multiple Sclerosis, this disease only affects male genitals, causing complete numbness, leading to permanent, untreatable erectile dysfunction.

Doctor: You've been diagnosed with Singular Sclerosis. You will never be able to pound Zucker's fat, hairy ass again.

Stelter: God dammit Donald Trump!

by sciflyer.25 April 22, 2020