KartPhonics 

Term used to describe characters, items, hazards and every possible scenario in Mario Kart 64. KartPhonics was devised by phanatical Mario Kart players who would play Mario Kart 64 for hours each day, sometimes skipping college classes multiple times per week, with each person claiming to be the best Kart player in the world. Cigarettes were smoked, alcohol was consumed, heavily at times, and extreme frustration was endured by each player. It was through this frustration that the players realized over time that a new Phonics was created.

Unfortunate scenario example:
Sweet Load - Hitting a banana and sliding into a bomb. A sweet load requires precision to set up, and is very rewarding for the player that accomplishes this and F's up another character. This scenerio is the ultimate injustice for a human kart player. Perhaps the the best spot for a sweet load set up is during Koopa Troopa Beach on the ramp that leads to the shortcut thru the cave. If successful, this sweet load is truly demoralizing to the affected player.

Guantlet setup:
We call the triple green shell gift a GAUNTLET for good reason: a nice gauntlet setup can create complete havoc during a race. To set up a gauntlet, while driving, simply aim your character toward a wall or obstacle and fire away. If you want to be extra creative, fire left-right-left or vice versa for complete fucked-up fun.

Jim: I'm going to hand you your ass today in Kart. Loser buys a pack of smokes and the next case.
Brian: I'll lay a sweet load on the first lap. Hooked on KartPhonics bitch!

KartPhonics by sciflyer.25 April 18, 2013

KartPhonics II 

continued from KartPhonics

1. Mario - First son; A Brother
2. Luigi - The Asshole; A Brother
3. Peach - Whore
4. Toad - The Dealer; Shroom-man
7. Wario - The Godfather; The Daddy
8. Bowser - Daddy's pet bitch
Murder Inc - Collectively speaking, Wario, Mario and Luigi
Mob Hit - any strike against a human kart player by Mario, Luigi or Wario

1. Single Green Shell - NA
2. 3 Green Shells - A Gauntlet. The item that one can be most creative with
3. Single Red Shell - Seeker
4. 3 Red Shells(if your player is ready to take a beating) - Red Death; Red Fuck
5. Single Banana - Facial
6. Banana Strand - Golden Shower
7. Fake Present - Bomb
8. Blue Shell - #1; Major Fuck
9. Single Mushroom - Fucking Worthless
10. Unlimited Mushroom - A Bad Trip; Drunk Driving
11. Lightning - When used strategically on certain courses, The Ultimate Fuck

Road Load - On Toad's Turnpike, hitting a banana and sliding into a moving vehicle. Not as Bad as a sweet load, but just as fun to watch since a chain reaction of car crash fuck-ups can, and often do, follow.
Snow Load - On Frappe Snowland, hitting a banana and sliding into a snowman.
Bloody Facial - Yes, this one is a stretch. This occurs when 2 characters are in a virtual tie during the race, and one fires a seeker. The seeker advances forward, then backward into the face of the other kart player. Very satisfying to watch your adversary take a bloody facial

Jim: I'm going to hand you your ass today in Kart. Loser buys a pack of smokes and the next case.
Brian: I'll set up a road load on the first lap. Hooked on KartPhonics II bitch!

KartPhonics II by sciflyer.25 August 27, 2014