10 definitions by poor woobie

Top Definition
A New Jersey Paper Route occurs when an intoxicated person proceeds to vomit and/or defecate on his neighbors' front porches and/or driveways while attempting to walk back to his/her house.
After a night of heavy drinking and pounding techno music, Salvatore made the mistake of stopping by Tony's Diner for a meatball sub. The greasy meal combined with his already drunken state caused him to vomit on one neighbor's driveway, and have a violent bowel movement on another neighbor's front porch. When he finally made it to his front door, Salvatore could only grimace at the repurcussions his New Jersey Paper Route would usher in the following day.
by Poor Woobie March 11, 2008
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When a bar/party/scene is inundated with males, much to the chagrin of bachelors looking to meet single women. Referred to as such because seemingly every person in attendance has a "member" a.k.a. a penis.

See also: sausage fest, weenie roast, swordfish fry, etc.

Guy 1: Let's go to the party at Steve's house tonight.
Guy 2: Hell no! It's always Members Only at his parties. I actually want to get laid. Let's go to the club instead.
by Poor Woobie March 12, 2008
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When you wake up the morning after a regrettable drunken sexual encounter. Usually accompanied by a brutal hangover, a dirty, guilty feeling, and a quick exit from the vicinity.
Adam woke up at 7am, the woman he hooked up with the night before still passed out beside him, though significantly less attractive in the early morning light. He smelled like cigarettes, sweat, and Axe bodyspray, and his mouth tasted like Jagermeister and stale beer. He quickly dressed and scurried out of the woman's apartment, trying his best not to wake her and thus avoiding the need to have the awkward "When are we gonna go out again?" conversation. Adam had indeed executed the perfect Rise and Shame.
by Poor Woobie March 12, 2008
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An office/cubicle farm/building where white-collar corporate drones while away their lives.

Air-conditioned Hell is also any corporate job that one finds demeaning, boring, repetitive, or unsatisfying.

While not hard work in the sense of manual labor or any physically demanding job, putting in 40 hours a week in air-conditioned Hell can take its toll on a person, often resulting in one or more of the following: fatigue, irritability, contempt, rage, and excessive attendance of happy hours.
I have to drive for an hour in traffic each morning so that I can take my seat in air-conditioned Hell.

I hate going to bed on Sunday night, because I know that when I wake up in the morning, I'll have another week of air-conditioned Hell to endure.

by Poor Woobie March 10, 2008
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Occurs when a woman presents a man with a positive pregnancy test, and shortly thereafter, they are married. The wedding is usually performed without fanfare at a courthouse or VFW/Bingo hall by a justice of the peace.
Man 1: What's wrong?
Man 2: The girlfriend gave me a Working Man's Wedding Proposal last night. I gotta meet her at the courthouse during my lunch break today.
Man 1: Damn, that sucks.
by Poor Woobie March 12, 2008
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The anxiety a man feels when he is waiting for the results of a store-bought pregnancy test his girlfriend or female sexual partner just took. Being ClearBlue Uneasy implies 1) that pregnancy is greatly feared and not at all desired, and that 2) the man is fairly sure he wants no permanent ties to said woman.
After missing her period, my lady friend took a pregnancy test last night. I was ClearBlue Uneasy for three whole minutes until thankfully, the results were negative. Lesson learned. I will now tone down the number and frequency of my casual sexual encounters for fear of accidental reproduction.
by Poor Woobie March 12, 2008
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When an excess accumulation of sweat and filth between one's buttcheeks enables said person to walk faster and with longer strides (or "glide" if you will). This occurs because the ass sweat reduces friction between the buttocks. Unfortunately, the benefits of being glidey are far outweighed by the drawbacks, which include: anal soreness/irritation, rashes, and localized chafing in the anal area.

One is said to be "glidey", or to have a case of "glideys".

Glideys can be caused by not wiping properly, heavy sweating, not bathing, or any number of other factors.
While walking across the parking lot in the afternoon heat, Morris immediately regretted having been so hasty in cleansing his anus after defecation. The squishiness between his buttocks, coupled with the frictionless strides he was suddenly able to take, led him to realize that he was Glidey.

At the end of the Skee-Lo video "I Wish", Skee-Lo performs a dance that appears to be possible only with the assistance of a severe case of the Glideys.
by Poor Woobie March 11, 2008
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