paul fleming's definitions

Website Junkie

These individuals are addicted to websites. This condition often stems from the lack of a role model as a child, but can be blamed on anything from boredom, to an obsession with a particular field. The subject often visits the same sites over and over in the hope finding something new, much like a dog keeps checking his food bowl incase more food has been left for him. Normally reside in the North East of Scotland.

Kellie: Whats wrong with Simon these days? I called him last night and he said he was online and just hung up on me. It was really rude of him.
Steven: Don't take it personally, I was talking to his Mum and she said the phsychiatrist diagnosed him as a "Website Junkie". He just can't keep away from the internet.
Kellie: Oh, I thought he was just fucking rude.

by Paul Fleming July 12, 2006

whore pad

This is where a whore live. Generally found in run down areas of cities, but also found on canal barges, to give the "punter" the feeling that the earth is moving, and that they are getting value for money.

Fred: Shit man, I need to get laid, but dont want any of the emotional shit that comes with a girlfriend.
Alan: Well why don't you get down to the "whore pad" and fuck some slut, i'll even give you a lift there if you want!
Fred: Thanks, you really are a true friend!

by Paul Fleming July 9, 2006

Insurance Whore

These females are what is known as a God send to any male looking for easy sex. You will find these girls at all nightclubs up and down the UK. They normally never refuse sex and are not the most attractive in their appearance.

If a male has failed in his conquest to find a sex partner for the night, he can always lower his standards and find a "Insurance Whore". Just like car insurance will never let you down, neither will a 'Insurance Whore".

Les: I really came to this club looking for a nice girl to have sex with, but it's getting late and I can't see myself getting lucky now.
Phil: Don't be such a quitter, theres loads of "Insurance Whores" in this place, you just have to lower your standards.
Les: Thanks mate, You always know what to say to cheer me up!

by Paul Fleming July 12, 2006

One Horse Town

This is the name given to describe a small town with high unemployment. These towns are said to be very common in Wales, but are also found in Ireland, and Scotland where education is very limited.
Also a name given to a town that has a small population.

Steve: Since I moved here from the city I am begining to see that everyone is stupid, there are no jobs, and guys are marrying their own sisters, whats that all about?
Colin: This place is backwards, these people don't know any different. This is a "One Horse Town".
Steve:, Yeah, you are right, but the problem is everyone thinks they are the jockey.

by Paul Fleming July 19, 2006

Spaghetti Man

1.) A man who is very thin, tall and bendy, often found on the Northern coast of South America.
2.) A person who is clearly insane and who has been released from a mental home without full tests being done.
3.) An Italian male who is a hit with the ladies due to his diet of spaghetti and olive oil.

Francesca: Mama Mia!! Look at that crazy man with no clothes on, he is making silly noises like a deformed dog, whats wrong with him?
Lisconelli: He is a "spaghetti Man" so don't be mean, he can not help being crazy.
Francesca: I wasn't being mean! You always look for the worst in me Lisconelli, i'm getting sick of it now!
Lisconelli: You are over reacting again. Maybe you are a "Spaghetti Man"!

by Paul Fleming July 30, 2006

Slut Doctor

These are doctors that help all females give birth. 9 months after a female has whored around, she will be puished with a small creature that will develope into another human. The person who is paid to help remove the creature from the slut is often reffered to as a "Slut Doctor", because his only aim is to help the slut.

Stacey(pregnant): I'm so nervous, when those guys were waitng in line to have sex with me 9 months ago I never thought that i'd end up in hospital, I'm so scared!
Tracey: Don't be scared babe, the "Slut Doctor" knows what he is doing. He will get that creature out of you in no time!
Stacey: I hope so! I look like an elephant.

by Paul Fleming July 13, 2006

Slut Jockey

A male with a reputation of sleeping with the opposite sex as frequently as he requires. Normally the "slut jockey" isn't particularly fussy about his partner. As the name suggests, he is like a jockey, but instead of a jockey riding 5 horses on a single day (ie. at Aintree), this male may ride up to 5 females. He also stays in character by telling his partner how well they did, and may even give them a pat on the top of their head to show his appreciation of their efforts.

Damien: Look at that guy over there, those girls are
desperate to be fucked by him.
Daryll: Yeah, thats Nigel, he's fucking more girls a day than I get to talk to, he's a Slut Jockey.
Damien: Oh, I see. Lucky Bastard.

by Paul Fleming September 5, 2008