joseph blough's definitions

doodiephiliac

A person who never has a solid stool and always has diarrhea. And I mean all the time.

Dave: Why are you always spending your time on the toilet?

Steve: I have no choice. I’m cursed for all of eternity as a doodiephiliac.

by joseph blough March 12, 2022

Fartronomy

The scientific study of flatulence. A PhD in fartronomy is an expert in expulsions from the ass.

Donald likes to stick his nose in people’s asses to measure the density of farts. He has a PhD from Harvard in Fartronomy.

by joseph blough April 12, 2022

Gastric Bypass

1) a bariatric surgery performed for rapid weight loss on severely obese people.

2) A bariatric surgical mishap where the surgeon mistakenly connects your esophagus to your ass and you end up shitting and farting out of your mouth.

Steve had gastric bypass surgery last year. He’s lost 200 pounds and looks great, except for the fact that he now has to stick his head in the toilet to poop.

by joseph blough July 6, 2023

Feces Florentine

When you place ten pieces of shit upright in a circle to look like the bones in a Steak Florentine.

Guido the gourmet chef at Cafe Tuscany ran out of steak, so he improvised with a Feces Florentine.

by joseph blough January 2, 2025

gasasstic flatulence

A fart that is so explosive and smelly that it literally shakes the foundation of a building.

“Man, Joe just blew gasasstic flatulence so power and loud that the entire floor moved. No air freshener could remove the stench.”

by joseph blough March 25, 2022

Plop Plop Fizz Fizz

1) When you take a shit in a glass of soda pop.

2) An old Alka-Seltzer ad campaign.

Stan needed to take a crap badly, but there was no toilet nearby. He improvised with a bucket and 2-liter of Pepsi. He ended up with a Plop Plop Fizz Fizz.

by joseph blough February 25, 2022

transverse digestion

An unfortunate birth defect whereby one’s digestive tract is reversed, causing one to eat with their ass and crap out of their mouth. The ass must be trained to chew food in the same manner as teeth. A serious side effect of transverse digestion is halitosis.

Derek: “Hey Mike, how come you never eat with us?”
Mike: “I didn’t want you to watch me eat with my transverse digestion condition.”
Derek: “So THAT’S why your breath stinks like shit!”

by joseph blough April 8, 2022