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Definitions by jacques asse

The Joys of Midwife Beating 

Before you join our little club, you cannot beat midwives with impunity.

If we allow you to join and induct you, you will be granted your Totin Chip, whereby you may beat midwives with impunity. Reducing their faces to rubble and hamburger.

It's a guy thing.
The Joys of Midwife Beating make the world a sunny place!

Living Dead Jew 

Living Dead Jew is a very cool song by Knob Zombie about a demonoid phenomenon involving a zombie Jewish banker brought back to life by money.
Living Dead Jew!

Wage in the cage
And money on the stage
There's only one sure way
To bring the dollar down
Defunct the banks
Of sentimental cranks
With one little pinky
On the Jew's little dinky.

Run on me
Bank it for me
Steal it from me
Living Dead Jew

Run on me
Bank it for me
Steal it from me
Living Dead Jew

etc.
Living Dead Jew by Jacques Asse December 1, 2009

revenge fisting 

Revenge fisting is when you get your cheatin' ho girlfriend drunk, and when she is all hot and sticky, you shove your fist in her snatch.

You don't tell her beforehand that you've taped your hand and covered it with glue and sand.
She did WHAT? with WHOM?

Tonight, I am revenge fisting the cheap slut.
revenge fisting by Jacques Asse December 1, 2009

Obamatox 

Obamatox is like botox, except that it is the more deadly nerve toxin cousin to Botox that allows Barack Hussein Obama to keep a straight face as he lies daily to the American Middle Class.
Just how goddamn much obamatox does it TAKE for that jackhole to keep a straight face? Hope and CHANGE? Is he for REAL?????!?!?!? WHAT change?
Obamatox by Jacques Asse November 23, 2009

Projectile ejaculation 

Projectile ejaculation is where you masturbate until just prior to ejaculation, and then you hold it carefully back until somebody you really dislike is nearby and you let go, hitting them in the face or hair with a loud, wet SLAP.
Don't get mad, get even. Projectile ejaculation is for you.

backdoor berries 

Backdoor berries are jams and various jellies used as anal lube for buttfucking.
Meredith found--much to her surprise--that she liked backdoor berries.
backdoor berries by Jacques Asse October 16, 2009

Asshole Lessons 

Asshole Lessons are special preparatory courses given to douche bags.

Your boss had the whole lot of them.
Jesus, you flippin' ballsacker, what? Have you been taking ASSHOLE LESSONS?

You're, like. the World Champion of sphincters.
Asshole Lessons by Jacques Asse October 16, 2009