4 definitions by dgh938peg

One of my mates

Phrase used by a buddy telling a tale of something embarrassing that happened to "one of my mates" when clearly it happened to him.

One of my mates was getting off with this right ugly bird when......

One of my mates used to wrap his penis around a back loofer .....

One of my mates used to have sex with his teddybear's ear...

by dgh938peg July 7, 2010

Splashmat

The act of lining the toilet bowl with tissue paper in order to prevent rusty water being returned to sender from poo touchdown

"Christ Dave, just had a shit & i forgot the splashmat .... got major splashback from that dump"

by dgh938peg April 14, 2010

Paedotache

The thin, feint moustache as displayed by somebody who hasn't shaved for a few days.

-I'm thinking of growing a beard, haven't shaved for 3 days now

-- Yep; you're at the paedotache stage right now!

- Look at that guy on the other side of the bar letching on those girls, he's sporting the classic paedotache look.

by dgh938peg April 8, 2011

Onion Jar

That guy who knows absolutely everything yet lacks any ability to apply said knowledge. He can tell you everything about the processes gone into making the glass jar, how many onions the jar contains, chemical composition of the pickling vinegar, what type of onions they are .... yet has the complete inability to take the lid off.

"Here Jeff, that new project manager is a right ONION JAR, hadn't got a clue which way to turn the spanner to undo that nut!"

by dgh938peg June 14, 2016