cirdellin's definitions

Fergie Pudding

A sweet Christmas concoction that has essentially the same recipe as figgy pudding but replaces the figs with black eyed peas.

"Hey Stacy Ann Ferguson (Fergie's full name), put out more of that Fergie pudding!"

"Hey I don't put out for anybody."

"OK, sorry only it is so sweet and delicious...please?"

"That's better."

by Cirdellin December 28, 2009

Reltermrat

A trendy new concision for the pathological condition known as "Relationship Termination Rationalization". This device is used by the monogamously adverse to psychologically justify breaking up with someone without having any genuinely compelling reason for doing so.

"Why'd you break up with Jill?"

"She was way too Jedi for me."

"What the Hell does THAT even Mean? I think you're just a reltermrat"

"Shut up."

"Can I ask her out then?"

"Absolutely not!"

by Cirdellin December 28, 2009

Spousal catfight arousal

The complicated excitement a man feels when seeing his wife (or girlfriend) in a physical altercation with another woman. The condition is heightened when there is the real possibility for intimate sensual contact between the two combatants.

"Hey come quick, Jen had it with your wife's attitude and it looks like she has Lesley pinned down. You might want to end this."

"Are you kidding?"

"Spousal catfight arousal?"

"Damn straight. I need a closer view."

by Cirdellin December 29, 2009

Jane Krakowski Effect

Named after the Ally McBeal series actress, this is a condition in which men literally stop in their tracks when looking at a woman that is completely physically stunning and flawless. It is sometimes marked by the loss of peripheral consciousness for hours or days as the male stares transfixed, feeling no pain nor hunger nor any sense of responsibility to attend to necessary matters. In war, the use of Ms Krakowski directly, via her surrogates, or her images to immobilize the enemy is expressly forbidden under any and all of the Geneva Convention agreements.

"Whoa Jake...You zoned out dude. One minute you were fine and the next you were comatose. Was it that blonde in the blue miniskirt?"

(Still in something of a stupor) "Yeah. I think so."

"Jane Krakowski Effect huh?"

(Beside himself now) "Is she here? The real one? Where?" (Jake fades out again lost in a mental image)

"Oh the blessing and curse of having the angel Jane Krakowski and her ilk living amongst us." (Jake's friend laments)

by Cirdellin December 29, 2009

Approaching occupational neurosis

The sense of exponential dread that occurs when one more closely nears one's workplace. If one is driving down a hill to said workplace the effect is sometimes described as Hell like.

(In a carpool on a public service ad) "What's wrong Jake? Your face has gone white."

"Look down there at the bottom of the hill and to the right!"

"OH MY GOD! IT"S THAT PLACE WE WORK!"

(A psychologist enters the ad and states paternally; "This is approaching occupational neurosis. Don't let it happen to you or anyone you care about. Resign or seek professional help immediately!"

by Cirdellin December 30, 2009

Hair color paradox

When one is attracted to people with hair colors other than that on one's partner. When ascribed to a large population, it is when people of a particular region or country are attracted to people whose hair color is rarely observed.

"Hans, I am happy that you are enjoying your time in Ireland but many women are growing uncomfortable by your relentless staring. Kelly told me that it is freaking her out."

"I am sorry Patrick but one rarely sees such beautiful red haired women in my native Germany. This is indeed a hair color paradox."

by Cirdellin December 31, 2009

Passenger assessment

The tendency, especially while waiting for a plane, to scan one's fellow passengers for signs of violent intention. This tends to increase after an airline incident or near incident.

Jake surreptitiously looked up and down the many aisles of chairs as he waited for his plane to arrive at the gate. Passenger assessment is an essential part of flying these days. he rationalized.

by Cirdellin December 31, 2009