bill cauliflower's definitions

pandanic

Widespread or global panic, following news of a possible worldwide threat or event. This leads to panic buying of essentials such as toilet paper.

Chief Scientist: "Mr Chairman, we really should release the findings about this new deadly strain of virus."
Head of UN committee: "I see your point Sir Charles, but we also don't want a damn pandanic on our hands..."

by bill cauliflower April 4, 2020

soliloquery

(n.) The kind of question you ask yourself when you're alone - and usually in total over-thinking mode - that leads you to invariably wonder about life, the universe, and everything.

Me: "To be or not to be? That is the question. Where is my life going? What the hell am i doing...?"
Also me: "Shut up and stop getting caught up in that soliloquery shit...!"

by bill cauliflower April 11, 2020

zero-7

(adv.) Never. The exact opposite of '24-7'. That is, something that takes up absolutely none of your time.

"What about Kristina, do you ever think about her these days...?"

"After what she did to me, I think about her zero-7, to be honest."

by bill cauliflower April 18, 2020

cosm

(n.) a person's particular sphere of influence or domain, be it a house, workplace, or studio. A very specific 'microcosm' of the world.

"Hi Angi. OH WOW, is this your art studio...?"
"Yep, this is my cosm."
"Your cosm?"

"Yeah, the 'Angi-cosm'. This is my world."

by bill cauliflower May 13, 2020

one-three fatigue

(1) The feeling you get when you have tried to phone a company that has its only contact as a '13' number, and you are on hold for 45 minutes and still can't talk to a real person (or if you do, it is a person in a remote call-centre, whose accent you struggle to understand). And you hang up - effectively giving up.

(2) The feeling you get when you have tried to phone a company that has its only contact as a '13' number, and you are on hold for 30 minutes and you basically give up.

(3) The emotion that washes over you when you realise that you have to call a government agency on a '13' number again to explain stuff that you've already explained, and you realise that you will have to be 'on hold' for a minimum 45 minutes to explain to a different person what you've already told them.

Angi: "I had to call insert company name here on their 13 number again today to see if they knew what was happening with my order, and could they help me. After being on hold for 30 minutes, I hung up."
Bill: "I thought that was all sorted, what happened?"
Angi: "I got one-three fatigue. I just couldn't do it."

by bill cauliflower September 6, 2020

Hiatus confundo

Psycho-medical term for someone suffering from the confusing days between Christmas and New Year, when nobody really knows what day of the week it is.

Me: "Hey Pete, you were supposed to come over the Saturday after Christmas, where were you yesterday …?"

Pete: "Saturday …??!! I thought yesterday was Tuesday!!"

Me: Jeez, worst case of Hiatus confundo I've ever seen..."

by bill cauliflower December 27, 2025