4 definition by bgm71

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The middle of nowhere, the sticks, the boondocks, Loosersville U.S.A., the state of West Virginia. A place where the number one song on the local radio is Dueling Banjos and you hope you don't run out of gas before being able to return to mainstream society.
My GPS went haywire and now I'm somewhere in the middle of bum fuck.

My boss sent me on a road trip to bum fuck; I'm lucky I made it back!
by bgm71 June 18, 2013

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Fear of having a secret sexual relationship with a co-worker or acquaintance. Typically afflicts people who are married. Although they fantasize about banging the other party, and they know the other party is willing, they cannot overcome the fear of their partner finding out about the illicit affair. In men, this is usually found in ball-less, hen-pecked pantywaists who are dominated by their spouse and cannot imagine an alternative life without them. They may fear that their wife might literally kick their ass, or that they would possibly pull out all the stops and call in Guido and the boys to take care of the situation.
Bill knows that the hot new secretary wants to jump his bones, but he can't pull the trigger. That poor trystophobic bastard!

"Hello, my name is John and I suffer from trystophobia". (Chorus of blue balled house-husbands sitting in a circle)...."Hello John"..........

(Margie) "Fred is such a hunk I just want to jump on him and ride him like a cow girl" (Gwen) "Don't waste your time, he's a trystophobe".
by bgm71 July 01, 2013

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This applies to anyone who gets run over by a car, whether driven by NASCAR champion Tony Stewart or not.
Wow, did you see that chick just get stewart steamrolled?

He was a really great guy. What happened? He was fixing a tire on the shoulder of the road and got stewart steamrolled. Poor bastard.
by bgm71 August 11, 2014

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To beat someone with your balls. Typically done in slapping motion, and quite often occurring during sex. Guys that are the most successful ballbeaters usually have larger low-hung balls with a loose ball sac. Men with balls like that have greater slapping leverage, resulting in more noticeable and powerful slaps.
(Jill) "My boyfriend spanked my ass with his balls last night during sex." (Sara) "You're lucky, I haven't been ballbeat in a month!"

So you're going out with Joe tonight? I hear he's a real ballbeater - your ass is gonna be red......
by bgm71 August 16, 2014

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