"Thirty Helens Agree" was a brief sketch that opened several episodes of TV's THE KIDS IN THE HALL during its first season. Typically thirty women (all named Helen, apparently) would stand out in a field and chant the answer to the proposition -- such as Announcer: "Thirty Helens Agree" -- Chorus of Helens: "You can't spend too much on a good pair of shoes (or similar bromides)." Then one or two of the Helens would appear and add testimony to the stated point -- "These have lasted me for years," or similar.
Announcer: "Thirty Helens Agree" --
Thirty Helens in field: "Haste makes waste."
Individual Helen: "Don't get in a hurry (or similar)."
Thirty Helens in field: "Haste makes waste."
Individual Helen: "Don't get in a hurry (or similar)."
by al-in-chgo November 21, 2010
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax . . . sometimes a very funny turn of phrase.
So what's a "paraprosdokian"?
"Like this: I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
"I don't get it"-
"Okay, how about: Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."
"You mean, something like: I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"Phrasemaker!"
"Like this: I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
"I don't get it"-
"Okay, how about: Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."
"You mean, something like: I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"Phrasemaker!"
by al-in-chgo September 18, 2010
Tom of Finland (8 May 1920 – 7 November 1991) was the pseudonym of one of the best-known erotic gay artists of the Post-World War II generation.
He was born Touko Laaksonen, in Finland, and as a young man based his drawings on masculine archetypes like Finnish lumberjacks, and later the soldiers and sailors he knew (sometimes intimately) during World War II.
His original erotic images were submitted and ran in USA and Japanese physical culture journals of the 1950s. In the Sixties, with the decline of overt censorship, his drawings became yet more explicit and ran in many of the then-new gay magazines.
Typically Tom of Finland men, clad or not, have large bulging muscles, very large penises, a readiness to engage in any kind of gay sex (often in very unorthodox locations), and a sense of humor. Many of today's gay artists owe much of their visual style to Tom of Finland, and the artist himself is still widely recognized by gay men.
The Tom of Finland Foundation exists to perpetuate his work and to serve as a showcase for young artists.
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He was born Touko Laaksonen, in Finland, and as a young man based his drawings on masculine archetypes like Finnish lumberjacks, and later the soldiers and sailors he knew (sometimes intimately) during World War II.
His original erotic images were submitted and ran in USA and Japanese physical culture journals of the 1950s. In the Sixties, with the decline of overt censorship, his drawings became yet more explicit and ran in many of the then-new gay magazines.
Typically Tom of Finland men, clad or not, have large bulging muscles, very large penises, a readiness to engage in any kind of gay sex (often in very unorthodox locations), and a sense of humor. Many of today's gay artists owe much of their visual style to Tom of Finland, and the artist himself is still widely recognized by gay men.
The Tom of Finland Foundation exists to perpetuate his work and to serve as a showcase for young artists.
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"I can spot a Tom of Finland illustration at a hundred paces."
"Me, too, but sometimes his more recent imitators trip me up."
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"Me, too, but sometimes his more recent imitators trip me up."
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by al-in-chgo March 23, 2010
The three "h's" of "Bear" are "Husky, Hirsute and Homosexual." Add "Muscle" in front and the term defines:
a. A hairy (esp. chest)ed gay man, usually of middle years or more, who is well-muscled or well defined ("cut")usually from body-building or progressive-resistance gym work, with visible attributes such as forearm "guns" or "six-pack abs."
b. More generally, any hairy-chested mature (usually but not definitively) gay male who is at least somewhat physically fit, especially one who presents an imposing or dominant presence. Facial hair and a blue-collar look such as the cliche plaid lumberjack shirt add to the image.
a. A hairy (esp. chest)ed gay man, usually of middle years or more, who is well-muscled or well defined ("cut")usually from body-building or progressive-resistance gym work, with visible attributes such as forearm "guns" or "six-pack abs."
b. More generally, any hairy-chested mature (usually but not definitively) gay male who is at least somewhat physically fit, especially one who presents an imposing or dominant presence. Facial hair and a blue-collar look such as the cliche plaid lumberjack shirt add to the image.
(Definition a) -- "OK, in a day when 'Muscle Bear' has started to nudge out older descriptions like "virile, red-blooded, hairy-chested American male, who do you think is really a muscle bear? Can you put it in terms I'd understand?" -- "Oh, you mean gay porn! Blake Nolan, Dean Coulter, probably Arpad Miklos who wears his muscles so well, possibly Ross Hurston, the power bottom from England, and maybe the very hairy hunky Ray Harley. If Ray grew a beard and played the sexual top more often, I think he'd qualify.
But to me, the quintessential Muscle Bear is Tim Kelly in the HOM gay-porn vids. Woof!"
(Definition b) -- "Mary's straight-as-an-arrow husband Lochinvar is six foot one, hairy, a little chunky but still in good shape from outdoor work. He's forty-three and wears a goatee. Is it safe to call him a muscle bear?" -- "Well, you'd better check it out with Mary to see if he would get upset at any gay inference. But if Mr. L. grows a beard and starts hanging out in taverns every evening, perhaps Mary should start worrying. And why are YOU so concerned, might I ask?"
But to me, the quintessential Muscle Bear is Tim Kelly in the HOM gay-porn vids. Woof!"
(Definition b) -- "Mary's straight-as-an-arrow husband Lochinvar is six foot one, hairy, a little chunky but still in good shape from outdoor work. He's forty-three and wears a goatee. Is it safe to call him a muscle bear?" -- "Well, you'd better check it out with Mary to see if he would get upset at any gay inference. But if Mr. L. grows a beard and starts hanging out in taverns every evening, perhaps Mary should start worrying. And why are YOU so concerned, might I ask?"
by al-in-chgo February 19, 2010
Typically a Mutual Fund is an investment fund aimed at individual investors sponsored by an investment (or "mutual fund") house like Fidelity, Vanguard or T. Rowe Price. Each fund holds a "market basket" of stocks or bonds and individual investors buy into the fund by buying a share at "Net Asset Value," which is the total worth of the fund's holdings, calculated every day, divided by the number of shares outstanding. In other words, a mutual fund whose portfolio (value of all holdings) is worth a million dollars that has a hundred thousand shares outstanding will value those shares at ten dollars apiece. A typical stock-based mutual fund can earn its investors money in three ways: the dividends and capital gains that stocks pay out, and possible appreciation of the fund value per share.
For an individual investor, the advantage of owning a mutual fund is that s/he achieves diversity -- mutual funds own more than fifty stocks, on average -- that could not be achieved by buying a typical hundred shares of stock in only a few corporations. The disadvantages of such funds are that the "load" (sales commission) involved in buying or selling such funds can be considerable, and all funds incur some sort of service fees; that's how the investment house earns its money. Also, no "equity" or stock-based investment is guaranteed.
For an individual investor, the advantage of owning a mutual fund is that s/he achieves diversity -- mutual funds own more than fifty stocks, on average -- that could not be achieved by buying a typical hundred shares of stock in only a few corporations. The disadvantages of such funds are that the "load" (sales commission) involved in buying or selling such funds can be considerable, and all funds incur some sort of service fees; that's how the investment house earns its money. Also, no "equity" or stock-based investment is guaranteed.
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"My broker wants me to buy shares in something called an "open-end fund" but I don't know what that means."
"That's just a way to describe the majority of mutual funds, which remain open to all new investors who have the money to invest in them."
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"My broker wants me to buy shares in something called an "open-end fund" but I don't know what that means."
"That's just a way to describe the majority of mutual funds, which remain open to all new investors who have the money to invest in them."
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by al-in-chgo March 25, 2010
Verschlusspanik (fair-SCHLOOSE-pah-neek) is a German word that literally means "closing panic." It refers to the rush of new investors (and new capital) into consumer investments like mutual funds that occurs when the sponsoring financial house announces that its fund will no longer accept new accounts beyond a certain date. That "last-minute" stampede is due to Verschlusspanik on the part of potential investors who do not want to be shut out of the fund.
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"Go figure -- Fund XYZ announces that it won't open any new accounts past the end of this month, and all of a sudden there's a huge influx of new investors and their money."
"That's called 'Verschlusspanik'. It often happens when there's a deadline for new accounts imposed."
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"Go figure -- Fund XYZ announces that it won't open any new accounts past the end of this month, and all of a sudden there's a huge influx of new investors and their money."
"That's called 'Verschlusspanik'. It often happens when there's a deadline for new accounts imposed."
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by al-in-chgo March 24, 2010
A youngish man, usually gay, who has gotten quite fat but is neither old enough nor obese enough to qualify as a full-fledged "chub." Less insulting than the term "heifer" used sometimes to reference the same kind of individual.
"Joe may not quite be a "chubette," but with that paunch, his goatee and chest hair, he's a Bear by anyone's definition." If he gains much more weight he'll qualify for chubette. Moo! But chubby chasers will stand in line around the block to get to him.
Q: How many "chubettes" grow into full-time "chubs"?
A: They all do, unless they lose some weight and tone up; in which case they might pass for muscle bears.
Q: How many "chubettes" grow into full-time "chubs"?
A: They all do, unless they lose some weight and tone up; in which case they might pass for muscle bears.
by al-in-chgo February 07, 2010