al benedict's definitions

Hairless Ape

A member of the species Homo Sapiens, esp. when being discussed in a way that only makes sense in an anthropological context. Popularized by Howard the Duck.

You means buying flowers actually made it worse? Damn, Hairless Ape relationships are such a pain.

by Al Benedict October 2, 2008

Spamburst

When your email address is chosen as the lucky winner in the contest held by a spammer to determine which email address will be used for the day's, ahem, First Amendment protected free commercial speech. The end results is hundreds if not thousands of bounced messages.

I probably got your message. It just got caught in a spamburst yesterday.

by Al Benedict October 1, 2008

winger

Derogatory term for someone politically far to either the right or left. Implies an unwillingness to evaluate issues one at a time.

If there's one thing wingers can unite around, it's their hatred of moderates.

I'm anti rent control, pro gun control, pro abortion and think welfare should be tightened. Something for every winger to hate on.

by Al Benedict July 2, 2024

Loud Pipes

The only concession to safety that a motorcycle needs. Time was, you were expected to wear visible clothing and a helmet and drive predictably. Now it's OK to dress completely in black (no helmet) and pop in and out of lanes at will. As long as you have really loud, low pitched, non-directional exhaust noise.

Loud pipes endanger lives.

"Boy, these loud pipes rock. Everybody takes their eyes off the road to figure out where the hell the racket is coming from and get into massive pileups. Then I just drive around the mess."

by Al Benedict June 4, 2013

Dimes will get you dollars

Glib way of saying "There is a high probability that..." It doesn't make too much sense if you think about the way gambling odds work, but I didn't create it; I just report it.

Dimes will get you dollars that his car will break down before he gets there.

Dimes will get you dollars that she doesn't really want to change jobs.

by Al Benedict June 30, 2021

Showing card tricks to a dog

Trying to a explain something that's very complex to someone that doesn't understand the basic fundamentals the thing you are explaining is based on.

I tried to explain it to him, but he kept asking the same non sequitur questions over and over. I felt like I was showing card tricks to a dog.

by Al Benedict November 14, 2010

Brown Bunny

1) A hard piece of shit that is starting to emerge from between your cheeks before you get to the toilet.

2) A notoriously bad, self indulgent film by Vincent Gallo.

Bob: (Bangs on stall door) "Hurry up! I've got a Brown Bunny here!"
Bill: "OK, OK" (Leaves stall)
Bob: "Thanks!" (Grabs cans of film and rushes in. Seconds later, a flushing sound is heard)
Bob: "Ahhh... That's much better." (Emerges with now empty film cans).

by Al Benedict August 18, 2009