Definitions by WhoDatPhantom

Cutter Clean

Something that would be considered disgusting anywhere else but is perfectly acceptable aboard a Coast Guard cutter.

"Are you eating Top Ramen for breakfast?" "Yeah, Cutter Clean."

Cutter Clean by WhoDatPhantom August 29, 2026

Liberty Math

Calculating exactly how many beers you can drink based on when you have duty tomorrow.

"Hey! Do you want to go get some drinks when we pull in?" "Hold on, let me do some Liberty Math."

Liberty Math by WhoDatPhantom August 29, 2026

Chief Weather

When the entire atmosphere of a workspace changes because your Chief just walked in pissed off.

"Why's everyone so gloomy today?" "Chief Weather."

Chief Weather by WhoDatPhantom August 29, 2026

Bidet Baby

A person who has become so accustomed to using a bidet at home that taking a shit anywhere without one feels primitive, uncomfortable, and borderline unacceptable. A Bidet Baby may reluctantly use a public or non-bidet toilet when absolutely necessary, but will spend the entire experience wishing they had just waited until they got home.

The final stage of bidet dependency: toilet paper alone no longer feels clean enough.

“I’ve become such a Bidet Baby that I had to shit at work today and genuinely considered driving home instead.”

Bidet Baby by WhoDatPhantom August 29, 2026

Charmin Special

A poop so perfectly formed and executed that it leaves absolutely no residue behind. The first wipe comes back completely clean, proving that wiping was theoretically unnecessary. A true “no-wiper” can never actually be confirmed without wiping at least once, so Charmin Special refers to the shit itself, not the wipe.

“Holy shit, I just had a Charmin Special. Wiped once to check and the Charmin came back looking brand fucking new.”

Charmin Special by WhoDatPhantom August 29, 2026