The Pirate of Pissants's definitions

ghetto sparkler

Using a lit wooden punk stick (usually free at a fireworks stand) as a sparkler. When you wave it around in the dark you get a pyrotechnic effect.

They so poor they bought their kid ghetto sparklers.

by The Pirate of Pissants July 4, 2009

Toilet Gator

An animal that must exist because sometimes when you look down in the toilet, you can his little brown tail coming down out of the flush hole in the bowl. Very Reclusive-usually only the tail is visible.

I can't go to the crapper. I am scared the toilet gator will get me.

by The Pirate of Pissants September 24, 2005

furniture

Office workers that have been there so long, and do so little, that you only notice them when they move or are missing.

Hey where's Fred? It's like somebody took a piece of the furniture !

by The Pirate of Pissants April 25, 2011

elevator captain

The person who stands in front of the buttons in the elevator and asks everyone what floor they would like pushed. Not to be confused with elevator attendant or operator. The elevator captain is just some doofus who insists on standing really close to the buttons so he/she can be the only one to push them.

The dork who thought he was the elevator captain leered at me when I asked him to push "69."

by The Pirate of Pissants February 21, 2006

Facebook Proxy

When somebody looking over your shoulder tells you to post something on somebody's Facebook page, when you have no desire to leave a message for that person.

Girlfriend: "Hey! Post Happy Birthday" on your nephews Facebook page !"

Me: "I don't even know him. He is my sister's son."

Girlfriend: "Just do it !"

Me: "Yes, m'am-you are a Facebook Proxy."

by The Pirate of Pissants October 29, 2010

Nomadic Colon

Nomadic colons are people who travel to restrooms outside of their work area (past the closest restroom) to utilize a restroom commonly used by another work group or on another floor.

The nomadic colon travels there for unknown reasons, perhaps from a fear of embarrassment from co-workers, a desire to defile new and unexplored territory, or for comfort reasons.

The nomadic colon is predominately male in gender, but female nomads have been observed.

Oh, man! Some nomadic colon stunk the rest room on our floor!

I spotted the elusive nomadic colon when he emerged from our restroom and immediately entered the stairway to return to his home territory.

by The Pirate of Pissants April 12, 2006

burrito

Perjorative slang for a Beretta handgun (as carried by a military person or federal cop)

My burrito is rusty and it rattles so bad I can't hit the side of a barn.

by The Pirate of Pissants April 9, 2006