furniture

Office workers that have been there so long, and do so little, that you only notice them when they move or are missing.

Hey where's Fred? It's like somebody took a piece of the furniture !

by The Pirate of Pissants April 25, 2011

Facebook Proxy

When somebody looking over your shoulder tells you to post something on somebody's Facebook page, when you have no desire to leave a message for that person.

Girlfriend: "Hey! Post Happy Birthday" on your nephews Facebook page !"

Me: "I don't even know him. He is my sister's son."

Girlfriend: "Just do it !"

Me: "Yes, m'am-you are a Facebook Proxy."

by The Pirate of Pissants October 29, 2010

burrito

Perjorative slang for a Beretta handgun (as carried by a military person or federal cop)

My burrito is rusty and it rattles so bad I can't hit the side of a barn.

by The Pirate of Pissants April 09, 2006

elevator captain

The person who stands in front of the buttons in the elevator and asks everyone what floor they would like pushed. Not to be confused with elevator attendant or operator. The elevator captain is just some doofus who insists on standing really close to the buttons so he/she can be the only one to push them.

The dork who thought he was the elevator captain leered at me when I asked him to push "69."

by The Pirate of Pissants February 21, 2006

Sanchezed the TP

The act of unrolling the toilet paper part way, then wiping a shit-laden finger on the tissue, then carefully re-rolling it. The future victim encounters a shitty piece of tissue, much to their horror and disgust.

Oh, gross! Some dirty bastard Sanchezed the TP and I got it on me when I was done taking a shit!

by The Pirate of Pissants December 24, 2013

Restroom jazz hands

The various motions people use trying to get the hand air dryer to start in a public restroom.

Man, that guy made restroom jazz hands for over a minute before he figured out the air dryer didn't work.

by The Pirate of Pissants August 27, 2013

Nomadic Colon

Nomadic colons are people who travel to restrooms outside of their work area (past the closest restroom) to utilize a restroom commonly used by another work group or on another floor.

The nomadic colon travels there for unknown reasons, perhaps from a fear of embarrassment from co-workers, a desire to defile new and unexplored territory, or for comfort reasons.

The nomadic colon is predominately male in gender, but female nomads have been observed.

Oh, man! Some nomadic colon stunk the rest room on our floor!

I spotted the elusive nomadic colon when he emerged from our restroom and immediately entered the stairway to return to his home territory.

by The Pirate of Pissants April 12, 2006