The Centurion's definitions

How It Should Have Ended (HISHE)

How It Should Have Ended (HISHE) is a satirical website that was created in 2005 by Daniel Baxter and Tommy Watson that parodies major films, TV shows and video games from popular culture.

HISHE provides its own version of "how it should have ended", as opposed to what actually did, by showcasing satirical cartoons which have alternative endings that are usually more logical, realistic and often quite funny.

The team responsible for these satirical animations are:

Series Directed by
Daniel Baxter

Series Writing credits
Tina Alexander
Daniel Baxter
Tommy Watson
Matt Dannevik

Series Produced by
Tina Alexander
Daniel Baxter
Steve Sargent

Series Film Editing by
Daniel Baxter

Series Art Department
Daniel Baxter
Otis Frampton

Series Animation Department
Daniel Baxter
Brian Andersen
Eric Mehner

Series Music Department
Bryan English

Series Thanks
Tina Alexander

The following How It Should Have Ended (HISHE) is a parody of a key scene from The Avengers where Loki has the chance to escape (from Thor and Iron Man), but doesn't:

Thor: (to Captain America) You want me to put the hammer down? 
(Captain America ducks and holds up his shield as Thor leaps at Cap. The impact of the hammer on the vibranium shield creates a massive shockwave)
Captain America: Are we done here?
Loki: Hello!
Iron Man: You're still here?
Loki: Yes!
Thor: Why didn't you run away while we settled our differences?
Loki: (laughs) I'll never tell.
Captain America: OK, we're not taking him back to base, he is definitely up to something.

by The Centurion November 28, 2012

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

The Incredible Hulk is a 2008 American superhero film based on the Marvel Comics character the Hulk. It is directed by Louis Leterrier and stars Edward Norton as Dr. Bruce Banner. It is the second film to be released in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (The Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) is a film franchise and shared fictional universe that is the setting of superhero films produced independently by Marvel Studios, based on characters that appear in publications by Marvel Comics).
This film establishes a new backstory where Dr. Bruce Banner becomes the Hulk as an unwitting pawn in a military scheme to reinvigorate the supersoldier program through gamma radiation. On the run, he attempts to cure himself of the Hulk before he is captured by General Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross (William Hurt), but his worst fears are realized when power-hungry soldier Emil Blonsky (Tim Roth) becomes a similar but more bestial creature. Liv Tyler also stars as Betty Ross, Banner's love interest and General Ross' daughter.

The Incredible Hulk (2008):
Bruce Banner: (in poor Portuguese) Don't make me hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.
Tough Guy Leader: (in Portuguese) What the hell is he talking about?

(During the fight between The Hulk and The Abomination)
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: (Referring to the machine gun on the helicopter) Use that thing, soldier. Give him some help!
Helicopter Soldier: Which one?
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: Help the green one, dammit! Which one do you think? Cut the other one in half!

Abomination: (Preparing to finish the Hulk off) Any last words?
The Incredible Hulk: Hulk... SMASH!
(The Hulk smashes the ground making a quake, causing the Abomination to get his foot stuck)

(After end credits)
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: (in a bar) Reload...
(finishes his drink)
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: Reload...
(someone enters the bar and walks to Gen. Ross)
Tony Stark: The smell of stale beer... and defeat. You know, I hate to say "I told you so," but that Super-Soldier project WAS put on ice for a reason. I've always felt that hardware was much more reliable.
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: Stark.
Tony Stark: General.
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: You always wear such nice suits.
Tony Stark: Touché. I hear you have an unusual problem.
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: You should talk!
Tony Stark: You should listen. What if I told you we were putting a team together?
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: Who's "we"?

by The Centurion December 18, 2012

Loki

Loki is a fictional character, a supervillain and sometime anti-hero that appears in comic books by Marvel Comics. He is the adoptive brother and archenemy of Thor. He is based on the being of the same name from Norse mythology. The character first appeared historically in Venus No. 6 (August 1949) and in modern day in Journey into Mystery No. 85 (October 1962). The character was created by writer Stan Lee, scripter Larry Lieber, and penciller Jack Kirby.

Loki has appeared in several ongoing series, limited series and alternate reality series, including his own 4-issue series Loki (2004). He appeared in the new issues of Young Avengers in 2013. He will appear in his solo series Loki: Agent of Asgard in 2014. The character has also appeared in associated Marvel merchandise including animated television series, clothing, toys, video games, and movies.

In 2009, Loki was ranked as IGN's 8th Greatest Comic Book Villain of All Time.

Tom Hiddleston first portrayed Loki in the 2011 live action film Thor then again in The Avengers (2012), Thor: The Dark World (2013), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) and Thor: Ragnarok (2017).

Many years ago, when Bor, ruler of Asgard, was battling frost giants, he followed a wounded giant to a powerful sorcerer that was waiting for him. The sorcerer caught him unaware, turning Bor into snow. Bor's son, Odin, found his father as he was blowing away; Bor begged Odin to find a sorcerer to free him, but Odin made no attempt to save his father. Bor cursed Odin saying that he would take in the son of a fallen king and raise it as his own. Not a week later, Odin himself led the Asgardians into battle against the Frost Giants and killed Laufey, who was the King, in personal combat. After slaying Laufey, Odin found a small Asgardian-sized child hidden within the primary stronghold of the Frost Giants. The child was Loki and Laufey had kept him hidden from his people due to his shame over his son's small size. Odin took the boy, out of a combination of pity, to appease his father, and because he was the son of a worthy adversary slain in honorable combat, and raised him as his son alongside his biological son Thor.

by The Centurion December 26, 2014

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Captain America: The First Avenger is a 2011 American superhero film based on the Marvel Comics character Captain America. It is the fifth installment of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The film was directed by Joe Johnston, written by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, and stars Chris Evans, Tommy Lee Jones, Hugo Weaving, Hayley Atwell, Sebastian Stan, Dominic Cooper, Neal McDonough, Derek Luke, and Stanley Tucci. It was distributed by Paramount Pictures. Predominantly set during World War II, the film tells the story of Steve Rogers, a sickly man from Brooklyn who is transformed into super-soldier Captain America to aid in the war effort. Rogers must stop the Red Skull – Adolf Hitler's ruthless head of weaponry, and the leader of an organization that intends to use a device called a "Tesseract" as an energy-source for world domination.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
(a body is discovered in the Arctic)
Search Team Leader: Get me the Colonel! I don't care what time it is! This one's waited long enough...

(Schmidt admires a wooden Norse carving)
Johann Schmidt: Yggdrasil. Tree of the world. Guardian of wisdom. And fate, also.
(discovers a wooden drawer, uncovers the Tesseract)
Johann Schmidt: And the Führer digs for trinkets in the desert.

Gabe Jones: Who are you supposed to be?
Steve Rogers: I'm... Captain America.
(Steve walks off to free the soldiers trapped below)
James Montgomery Falsworth: I beg your pardon?

Timothy 'Dum Dum' Dugan: Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Steve Rogers: Yeah. I punched out Adolf Hitler 200 times.

(last lines)
(Steve Rogers finds himself in New York)
Nick Fury: At ease, soldier! Look, I'm sorry about that little show back there, but we thought it best to break it to you slowly.
Steve Rogers: Break what?
Nick Fury: You've been asleep, Cap. For almost 70 years.
(Steve is silent with shock)
Nick Fury: Are you going to be okay?
Steve Rogers: Yeah. Yeah, I just... I had a date.

(After end credits)
Nick Fury: (finding Steve in a gym) Trouble sleeping?
Steve Rogers: You're here with the mission, sir?
Nick Fury: I am.
Steve Rogers: Trying to get me back in the world?
Nick Fury: Trying to save it.

by The Centurion July 7, 2012

Batman (1989 film)

Batman is a 1989 American superhero film directed by Tim Burton. Based on the DC Comics character of the same name, the film stars Michael Keaton in the title role, as well as Jack Nicholson, Kim Basinger, Robert Wuhl, Michael Gough, Pat Hingle, Billy Dee Williams, and Jack Palance. The film, in which Batman deals with the rise of a costumed criminal known as "The Joker", was the first installment of Warner Bros.' initial Batman film series.

Batman (1989 film):
(Batman dangles a mugger over the side of a building)
Nic: Don't kill me! Don't kill me, man! Don't kill me! Don't kill me, man!
Batman: I'm not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.
Nic: What are you?
Batman: I'm Batman.

(Jack Napier is confronted with Batman for the first time)
Jack Napier: Nice outfit!

The Joker: I have given a name to my pain, and it is Batman.

The Joker: Never rub another man's rhubarb.

The Joker: Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Bruce Wayne: What?
The Joker: I always ask that of all my prey. I just... like the sound of it.
(shoots him)

The Joker: Have you shipped a million of those things?
Scientist at Axis Chemicals: Yes sir!
The Joker: Ship 'em ALL! We're gonna take 'em out a WHOLE NEW DOOR!

The Joker: And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS TIGHTS!

(the Batwing is flying at The Joker)
The Joker: Come on, you gruesome son of a bitch! Come to me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Come on!

Batman: I'm going to kill you!
The Joker: You IDIOT! You made me. Remember? You dropped me into that vat of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over, and don't think that I didn't try.
Batman: I know you did.
(punches him again)

by The Centurion July 8, 2012

Transformers (2007)

Transformers is a 2007 American science fiction action film based on the Transformers toy line. The film, which combines computer animation with live-action, is directed by Michael Bay, with Steven Spielberg serving as executive producer. It stars Shia LaBeouf as Sam Witwicky, a teenager involved in a war between the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons, two factions of alien robots who can disguise themselves by transforming into everyday machinery. The Decepticons desire control of the AllSpark, the object that created their robotic race, with the intention of using it to build an army by giving life to the machines of Earth. Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, Jon Voight, Anthony Anderson, John Turturro and Glenn Morshower also star, while voice actors Peter Cullen and Hugo Weaving voice Optimus Prime and Megatron respectively.

Transformers (2007):
Captain Lennox: Epps, the rain's coming!
USAF Master Sgt. Epps: Right! BRING IT!

Barricade: Are you username: LadiesMan217?
Sam Witwicky: I don't know what you're talking about!
Barricade: ARE YOU USERNAME: LADIESMAN217?
Sam Witwicky: Yeah...
Barricade: Where is the eBay item 21153? WHERE ARE THE GLASSES?

Optimus Prime: My weapons specialist: Ironhide.
Ironhide: (drawing his guns) You feelin' lucky, punk?
Optimus Prime: Easy, Ironhide...
Ironhide: (retracts his guns) Just kidding. I just wanted to show him my cannons.

Starscream: This is Starscream: All Decepticons, mobilize.
Barricade: Barricade en-route...
Devastator: Devastator reporting...
Bonecrusher: Bonecrusher rolling...
Blackout: Blackout incoming... All hail Megatron!

(Starscream arrives at Hoover Dam)
Starscream: Go, go, go!
(deploys missiles)

Starscream: I live to serve you, Lord Megatron...
Megatron: Where is the Cube?
Starscream: The humans have taken it!
Megatron: You fail me yet again, Starscream... GET THEM!

Optimus Prime: It's you and me, Megatron...
Megatron: No, it's just ME, Prime!
Optimus Prime: At the end of this day, one shall stand, one shall fall!
Megatron: You still fight for the weak! That is why you lose!

Optimus Prime: Sam... you risked your life to protect the Cube.
Sam Witwicky: No sacrifice, no victory.

Optimus Prime: (to a dying Megatron) You left me no choice, brother.

(During the end credits)
Starscream escapes Earth and races into space.

by The Centurion November 29, 2012

Gambit

Gambit is a fictional character, a superhero who appears in comic books published by Marvel Comics. He has held membership in the team known as the X-Men. Created by writer Chris Claremont and artist Jim Lee, the character first appeared briefly in Uncanny X-Men Annual #14 (1990), weeks before a more comprehensive appearance in Uncanny X-Men #266 (August 1990). As of 2013, there have been three attempts at an ongoing title starring the character. Gambit also had two miniseries and starred prominently in the X-Force replacement title during the Age of Apocalypse, Gambit & the X-Ternals.

A mutant, Gambit can mentally create, control and manipulate pure kinetic energy to his every whim and desire. He is also incredibly knowledgeable and skilled in card-throwing, hand-to-hand combat, and the use of a bō.

Few X-Men trusted Gambit, who was originally a professional thief, when he first joined the group. There was consistently a source of stress between him and his on-again, off-again love interest Rogue. This was exacerbated when his connections to villain Mister Sinister were revealed, although some of his team members accept that Gambit honestly seeks redemption.

Often written as a "ladies' man", Gambit has shown a more vulnerable side of himself over the years, especially when it comes to Rogue. Gambit remains fiercely proud of his Louisiana heritage, and speaks in a very thick Cajun accent.

Gambit is a mutant who has the ability to take the potential energy stored in an object and convert it to pure light pink-colored kinetic energy thus “charging” that item with highly explosive results. He prefers to charge smaller objects, such as his ever-present playing cards, as the time required to charge them is greatly reduced and they are much easier for him to throw. The only real limitation to this ability is the time required to charge the object: the larger it is the more time it takes to charge. Most charging takes place through direct skin contact. The power of his explosions is dependent on the mass of the object he is charging, for example, a charged playing card explodes with the force of a grenade. Gambit can also use his mutant abilities to accelerate an object's kinetic energy instead of converting its potential energy; for example, he can charge his Bo staff with enough kinetic energy and power to level a house.

Gambit's ability to tap kinetic energy also grants him incredible superhuman physical abilities (strength, speed, reflexes and reactions, agility, flexibility, dexterity, coordination, balance, and endurance), as his body constantly generates bio-kinetic energy and so is perfectly constructed for constant motion. This gives him an added edge that he has used to his advantage by developing a unique acrobatic fighting style.

by The Centurion November 10, 2014