Snark Chariot's definitions

dickstarter campaign

(n) an activity (or series of activities) intended to stimulate the penis until it is erect, generally for the purpose of sexual intercourse. An underfunded dickstarter campaign may lead to a condition known as blueballs.

It wasn't long before my partner's dickstarter campaign was fully funded and we got down to executing our business plan.

by Snark Chariot November 17, 2014

Catholic vasectomy

(n.) 1. A complex non-procedure in which a wife withholds sex from her husband after the couple decided to stop having children, thus negating the need for the husband to get an actual vasectomy. 2. The most effective form of birth control ever conceived by (wo)man.

Q: Hey, man, did you get snipped?
A: Nah, my wife gave me a Catholic vasectomy instead.

by Snark Chariot September 13, 2014

masturbaficionado

(n.) a person who is very knowledgeable and enthusiastic about masturbation, and invests in only the finest lubes and/or sex toys in order to achieve the highest levels of independent sexual gratification.

You may like to stroke it, good sir, but I am a masturbaficionado — I take such things seriously.

by Snark Chariot September 18, 2014

Peequilibrium

(noun) The state of needing to urinate as much and as often as you drink, with an immediacy that seems to increase with every sip; generally associated with binge-drinking over a long period of time. See also: Breaking the Seal.

After six Red Hooks, three double Jamesons, an unfortunate shot of Patron and a fru-fru drink I finished while my date was in the bathroom, I have at last achieved peequilibrium. Please escort me to the nearest hospital or detox center, thank you.

by Snark Chariot September 13, 2012

craniosphinctalectomy

(n) a complex medical procedure involving the removal of one's head from one's ass.

My good friend is having a craniosphinctalectomy today. I hope everything comes out well.

by Snark Chariot April 27, 2014

potty surfing

(v) the act of dropping a turd in the toilet and having water splash up on your ass.

I just got back from potty surfing and my ass is soaked!

by Snark Chariot November 3, 2011

Snark Chariot

n. an ill-tempered man-beast whose body consists not of meat, bones, and skin, but rather 185 lbs. of well-defined, fully ambulatory fat. Biting sarcasm is his paint, the keyboard is his brush, and the seedy underbelly of the Internet is his canvas. Known to have an unwieldy head of hair, poor eyesight, and hostility toward ampersands.

"I served with Snark Chariot. I knew Snark Chariot. Snark Chariot was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Snark Chariot."

by Snark Chariot February 5, 2015