Definitions by Snark Chariot

Snark Chariot

n. an ill-tempered man-beast whose body consists not of meat, bones, and skin, but rather 185 lbs. of well-defined, fully ambulatory fat. Biting sarcasm is his paint, the keyboard is his brush, and the seedy underbelly of the Internet is his canvas. Known to have an unwieldy head of hair, poor eyesight, and hostility toward ampersands.

"I served with Snark Chariot. I knew Snark Chariot. Snark Chariot was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Snark Chariot."

Snark Chariot by Snark Chariot February 5, 2015

dickstarter campaign 

(n) an activity (or series of activities) intended to stimulate the penis until it is erect, generally for the purpose of sexual intercourse. An underfunded dickstarter campaign may lead to a condition known as blueballs.

It wasn't long before my partner's dickstarter campaign was fully funded and we got down to executing our business plan.

dickstarter campaign by Snark Chariot November 17, 2014

masturbaficionado 

(n.) a person who is very knowledgeable and enthusiastic about masturbation, and invests in only the finest lubes and/or sex toys in order to achieve the highest levels of independent sexual gratification.

You may like to stroke it, good sir, but I am a masturbaficionado — I take such things seriously.

masturbaficionado by Snark Chariot September 18, 2014

Catholic vasectomy 

(n.) 1. A complex non-procedure in which a wife withholds sex from her husband after the couple decided to stop having children, thus negating the need for the husband to get an actual vasectomy. 2. The most effective form of birth control ever conceived by (wo)man.

Q: Hey, man, did you get snipped?
A: Nah, my wife gave me a Catholic vasectomy instead.

Catholic vasectomy by Snark Chariot September 13, 2014

house crowns 

(v.) To bring home a crown, i.e., win a championship. Ascend to the throne. Reign victorious.

( INSERT SPORTS TEAM ) is in the business of housing crowns, pal.
All I do is house crowns.

house crowns by Snark Chariot August 26, 2014

hybris 

(n.) an over-the-top display or suggestion of sexual promiscuity by a female who is still a virgin. (From "hymen," the physiological mark of virginity, and "hubris," excessive pride or self-confidence.)

"The unmitigated hybris of that cheerleader is astounding."
"For a woman with no sexual experience whatsoever, she shows tremendous hybris."

hybris by Snark Chariot August 25, 2014

craniosphinctalectomy 

(n) a complex medical procedure involving the removal of one's head from one's ass.

My good friend is having a craniosphinctalectomy today. I hope everything comes out well.

craniosphinctalectomy by Snark Chariot April 27, 2014