Definitions by QuacksO

garbage 

Special/required clothing (“garb”), such as work-uniforms or costumes, that the wearer resents/finds offensive because:

(1) the clothes are uncomfortable, cumbersome, too light/heavy for ambient temperatures, etc.
(2) the garments are inelegant or overly plain, and so he feels that wearing the clothes is demeaning
(3) he dislikes the colors, styles, etc. as being too bold, loud, and/or needlessly-formal for the job/occasion
(4) the clothes’ material is too delicate and/or hard to keep clean/neat/undamaged, and so he finds them an arduous chore to care for and keep out of harm’s way while wearing them.

Every time I go to work, I have to wear that revolting starched-denim garbage they dish out --- ironed and pressed --- from the laundry-room. Eeeyyyewww...

garbage by QuacksO November 29, 2011

Hands off the merchandise! 

Hands off the merchandise!

A protest/order uttered by one of either gender when someone else (usually of the opposite gender) wants to indulge in a little touchy-feely, but he’s not in the mood.

Weary girl (pushing her guy's "exploring" hand away from her boobs): Hey! Hands off the merchandise! I wanna go to sleep now!

Hands off the merchandise! by QuacksO November 28, 2011

obitchuary 

The common newspaper column that women utilize to write in and complain about the oblivious/incompetent/chauvinistic men in their lives. (Seldom read by the men, incidentally --- ignorance is bliss, and they don’t want to be overly depressed.)

Petulant girl: My boyfriend is being a total dink --- I think I'll write in to the obitchuary, to see what the other chicks think about it.

obitchuary by QuacksO November 28, 2011

orders 

One of life’s first-and-foremost “double-edged swords” --- something that can “cut both ways” as far as definition and desirability is concerned. While it can refer to a welcomed stack of purchase-agreements that will bring wealth and prosperity to its recipient, it can also mean stern/irritable directives to do/not do something that its recipient hates/wants to do.

Travelling company salesman: Boy, did I get two big orders today!
Boss: Great! What were they?
Salesman: Well, the first one was, “keep out” and the second one was, “stay out”.

orders by QuacksO November 28, 2011

Coke-bottle glasses 

Prescription eyeglasses with very thick/heavy lenses, like the infamous "forest-fire-starter" curved lens-like bottoms on heavy-walled Coca-cola soft-drink bottles.

Wow, that little old lady's sure got the coke-bottle glasses! Wonder how she ever manages to see in the shower or anyplace else where she has to take her glasses off.

Grade-school kid #1: Yo, pal --- you back from the eye-doc, I see. Whoa-hoh-hohhhh... what huge thick lenses! That rig must weigh a TON --- zheesh, I feel for ya --- totally sux, Bud!
Grade-school kid #2: Yeah, fer sher --- the doc said it was hereditary, and I'd never have good vision, so he gave me these stupid Coke-bottle glasses which I'll hafta wear the rest of my life. Ah, well... at least I can see again.

Coke-bottle glasses by QuacksO November 28, 2011

real estate 

The various areas of a person’s body, particularly the “juicy” parts”.

Guy who wants to give a girl a massage: Don't worry, hun... I promise I’ll just touch the “acceptable” parcels of real estate --- when the sign says, “Keep off the grass”, I keep off the grass! (Acknowledgements to Charles Bronson)

real estate by QuacksO November 26, 2011

The Merchandise

Any “juicy” parcels of real estate, usually on a female, but can refer to both genders.

Girl, protesting a guy’s trying to feel her up: “Hey! Who said you could sample The Merchandise?!???”

The Merchandise by QuacksO November 26, 2011