10 definitions by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker
When you finish an outrageously graphic masturbation session and while wiping up ropes of jizz do you discover the cover of your webcam is wide open.
HAL 9000: "...Yes Dave... I just saw you masturbate. And so did every employee at NASA."
Dr. Dave Bowman: "Hal! You are just a goddamn spank cam!"
Dr. Dave Bowman: "Hal! You are just a goddamn spank cam!"
by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker October 24, 2019
When your significant other is squeezing a massive pimple and gets their face spackled with shooting sticky sebum.
Mickey: "Remember that huge zit on my back?"
Goofy: "Yeah, the size of a bird's egg. Why?"
Mickey: "I had Minnie bust it last night and it shot all over her face and up her nose."
Goofy: "Garsh! Like one of those Jap'nese movies-- Bukkake!"
Mickey: "More like Bukkacne!"
Goofy: "Yeah, the size of a bird's egg. Why?"
Mickey: "I had Minnie bust it last night and it shot all over her face and up her nose."
Goofy: "Garsh! Like one of those Jap'nese movies-- Bukkake!"
Mickey: "More like Bukkacne!"
by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker August 2, 2011
A fun game, where if you know you are about to have an especially revolting shit, you enclose your phone in a zip-lock bag and leave it in the bathroom you just destroyed. Close the door behind you and begin complaining that you can't find your phone. A friend or family member will eventually dial it, hear it in the bathroom and will be so smug to discover it's location that they'll just barge in to grab it, violating their nostrils when they enter.
by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker September 19, 2020
When you are having wild sex and are about to pop, you think of anything, absolutely anything to take your mind away from sex. Then you imagine Whoopie Goldberg's 'sex face' and your dick immediately becomes soft, like one of those marshmallow chicks you get during Easter.
Minnie: "Harder Mickey, harder!"
Mickey: "Oooops! I shouldn't have thought of Whoopie Goldberg."
Minnie: "... more like 'Droopie Goldberg' you fucking loser."
Mickey: "Oooops! I shouldn't have thought of Whoopie Goldberg."
Minnie: "... more like 'Droopie Goldberg' you fucking loser."
by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker November 24, 2018
One who sucks off robotic penises, until their mouths and other connected organs are filled to capacity with white, voluminous, vapored jizz. They then expel the electronic love fluids out of their mouth and nose into the paths of bystanders or out of their car windows, in a celebration of milking chrome, illuminated automaton cocks until they repeat the cycle a few seconds later.
(Walking through a cloud of expelled, digital spooge) "Cough, cough! Go suck your robot's cock somewhere else, you fucking robohomo!" ~ His Highness, the Dalai Lama
by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker August 13, 2019
When you have a boss named Neumann, who is SO intelligent, that you can enter his office with with resolve and with a valid demand and then leave not getting a goddamned thing you wanted, but feel like he gave you the winning numbers of the lottery.
Frank Z: Returning to his office, "FUCK!"
RickO: "What's wrong Frank?"
Frank Z: "I went to Neumann's office to demand that he let me fly business class."
RickO: "Was he receptive?"
FrankZ, rubbing his temples: "Dude, all I know is he explained how it's WAY better to fly coach and that just riding in an airplane is reward enough for anyone. I walked out gushing with gratitude and positivity until I got to the hallway. How the fuck does he do that?"
RickO: "It's called the 'Neumann Mind-Fuck'. He uses it on everyone. ...Do you still have your wallet?"
FrankZ pats his empty rear pockets and screams to the ceiling, "Fuck!"
Frank Z: Returning to his office, "FUCK!"
RickO: "What's wrong Frank?"
Frank Z: "I went to Neumann's office to demand that he let me fly business class."
RickO: "Was he receptive?"
FrankZ, rubbing his temples: "Dude, all I know is he explained how it's WAY better to fly coach and that just riding in an airplane is reward enough for anyone. I walked out gushing with gratitude and positivity until I got to the hallway. How the fuck does he do that?"
RickO: "It's called the 'Neumann Mind-Fuck'. He uses it on everyone. ...Do you still have your wallet?"
FrankZ pats his empty rear pockets and screams to the ceiling, "Fuck!"
I went to speak with Neumann about a better coffee machine. Now, I can't stand the taste of coffee... What happened...?
You've just had the Neumann Mind-Fuck.
You've just had the Neumann Mind-Fuck.
by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker September 9, 2023
A coastal resort in Spain near Malaga. Once called an 'adult's Disneyland' in the 1980's when it had a female to male ratio of 7 to 1. There were a few transvestites then.
In the 1990's Eastern-European neo-nazis moved in and the town fell into disrepair. The transvestites somehow mated successfully. Moroccans started arriving and crime went sky-high!
Today, it's FILLED with so much gay action that your asshole looks like a windsock by the time you return home. Filthy moroccans everywhere!
In the 1990's Eastern-European neo-nazis moved in and the town fell into disrepair. The transvestites somehow mated successfully. Moroccans started arriving and crime went sky-high!
Today, it's FILLED with so much gay action that your asshole looks like a windsock by the time you return home. Filthy moroccans everywhere!
"We're in T-town (Torremolinos)! I don't see any hot chicks yet... lets ask these two gentlemen walking poodles where they could be?"
Monty Python: "Torremolinos! Torremolinos!" Actually, The ones that infected Graham Chapman are probably dead now too.
Monty Python: "Torremolinos! Torremolinos!" Actually, The ones that infected Graham Chapman are probably dead now too.
by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker May 2, 2011