Mr. Softey's definitions

cornbread

Money a prostitute makes from performing anal sex acts, as in getting cornholed.

whore #1: I don't think I can sit down after what that last John did to me!

whore#2: Whatchoo gonna do 'bout it?

whore#1: Child, I'm taking this cornbread and getting me some Tucks.

whore#2: Shee-oot!

by Mr. Softey January 25, 2009

Cincinnati Pad Thai

When you reverse tit fuck an Asian girl, same as a Cincinnati Bowtie, but with an Asian slant to it, if you will.

How about we head to my place for drinks and a little Cincinnati Pad Thai?
>>Me love you long time, Joe!

by Mr. Softey January 28, 2009

Squarenuts

The perpetually unemployed guy at the union hall who never gets off the bench to take a job call.
The endless act of sitting has given him "Squarenuts".

Biff: You'll never guess who I saw at the hall today.
Happy: Not old Squarenuts?
Biff: Yep, has that guy ever worked?
Happy: Hells no.
Biff: Good old Squarenuts.

by Mr. Softey January 28, 2009

Peach Rain

Filling a plastic spoon with the syrup from canned peaches and launching it on the unsuspecting lunchroom.

Mauro: For the love of God! Mystery meat and peaches again!

Heath: Grab your umbrella, because the forecast calls for the extremely unheralded return of the Peach Rain!

Mauro: Say what now?

Heath: Incoming!

Mauro: God, I love the smell of Peach Rain in the morning!

Heath: True dat!

Mauro: Word to my niggas!

Heath: Say What now?

by Mr. Softey January 25, 2009

Biscuit Train

The opposite of a gravy train job where you do nothing all day, a biscuit train usually requires full effort.

"I'm gettin' too old to be riding this biscuit train everyday!"

I'm dead tired from riding the biscuit train all day.

"Suck it up boys! We're on a biscuit train with gravy wheels!"

by Mr. Softey January 23, 2009

tissue issues

The perplexing conundrums that arise from leaving evidence of a recent masturbation session laying about.

Conrad: Holy crap! We've got to go back to the apartment before Pam wakes up, I forgot I left a bunch of used kleenex by the computer!
Farnsworth: Hey, your tissue issues aren't going to make me late to work, Sgt. Spank-o-tron!

by Mr. Softey February 4, 2009

circus popcorn

An ungodly brick of pink popcorn that is case hardened and sold to the unknowing masses at the circus, carnival, fair, etc.

When I was a kid I used to love circus popcorn, but now it tastes like shit on a stick!

by Mr. Softey January 26, 2009