Monkey's Dad's definitions

WAINS

Acronym for - why am I not surprised?

Yeah yeah, Jenna and Stephanie hooked up after the party. WAINS

by Monkey's Dad May 31, 2021

Bewilderness

An emotional space in which you become hopelessly tangled, unable to see the trees, blind to the forest, wandering in circles, lost.

How had the relationship gone wrong? Could she have just trashed him? No, she must have meant... something else... because... words are only words, he can't be all of those things she called him... or any of them. After so many good times... and why was it getting dark so fast? He'd find his way out of the Bewilderness, in a day or a year. Maybe.

by Monkey's Dad September 10, 2022

I'm Your Tuna Fish Sandwich

From the blues classic - slang for sexual availability.

"Free tonight?"
"I'm your tuna fish sandwich."

"I'm your tuna fish sandwich, spoon me on your bread.
I'm your tuna sandwich baby, best to eat in bed."

by Monkey's Dad February 20, 2023

Vaccophobe

Someone with an irrational fear of the Covid-19 vaccine.

"If I die, I die", she said. "I'm not letting anyone convince me I need that shot". And no one convinced her, and she went maskless to her early grave, a proud vaccophobe, and an example of how America had been made "great again".

by Monkey's Dad July 24, 2021

retroscopic

Events or moments from a seemingly-remote past, almost beyond the reach of memory.

He tried to explain to his four-year-old, but the images felt retroscopic - the world healthy and sane, no one afraid to leave their homes, Obama in the White House.

by Monkey's Dad March 15, 2020

Polites

The Canadian version of Pilates. A system of exercises designed to improve physical strength, flexibility, and manners.

Excuse me there, eh, I'm terribly sorry, didn't mean to rush you so rudely, but I may be just a wee bit late for my Polites class.

by Monkey's Dad February 24, 2020

working like a dog

Sacked out on the sofa all day.

"Man, I've been working like a dog", he muttered into the phone, his feet up, eyes on the game, the bag of Doritos on his chest almost empty. There must have been a time, long ago, he imagined, when dogs spent their lives herding cattle from sunrise to sunset, but any actual 21st century dog he knew was lazier than The Dude.

by Monkey's Dad March 1, 2020