Monkey's Dad's definitions

Texazuela

Oil prices fall below zero, Texas, the nation's leading crude oil producer, looks in the mirror and sees Venezuela.

Once unimaginable, today US oil prices plunged to minus $40 a barrel, and Texazuela may face economic collapse.

by Monkey's Dad April 20, 2020

masturetribution

To lie beside a sleeping partner who has refused sex, and silently bring oneself to climax.

In a defiant act of masturetribution she gave herself a dozen orgasms, listening to him sleep, feeling it served him right for giving her the cold shoulder all week.

by Monkey's Dad March 12, 2020

good cop bad cop

A long-time tactic employed in police interrogation, to force a suspect to drop his guard and open up. Now, a duality threatening the fabric of American social justice.

Standing in a line of peaceful protestors seeking acknowledgment of racial injustice, unsure as to whether the well-armed men before him would protect him or attack him, he saw clearly - the good cop bad cop routine had taken to the streets.

by Monkey's Dad June 13, 2020

isopropyl alcoholism

Addiction to hand sanitizing, a common pandemic disorder.

He sanitized his hands after touching any item, even if it had been sitting undisturbed on his desk for years. 'You can never be too careful', he said aloud, every few minutes, in denial of his isopropyl alcoholism.

by Monkey's Dad April 25, 2020

conspiracy theory

Literally - the idea of people breathing together.

Con=together. Spire=breathe.

She didn't want a respirator, didn't want to expire. Her inspiration was that once the pandemic passed she might breathe with other people, her conspiracy theory, and it filled her with hope.

by Monkey's Dad April 27, 2020

Narcissistic personality order

Because the narcissist has no disorder.

"As you insisted, I went to the therapist. She told me I have narcissistic personality order, which she said very few individuals have. I described our relationship and she wants to see you three times a week."

by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020

carnivirus

Virus afflicting carnivores, slaughterhouse workers and meat processors, potentially transmitted to humans by animals.

He knew they were getting sick and dying in disproportionate numbers, but he would think about the carnivirus after he finished his bucket of spicy wings.

by Monkey's Dad May 20, 2020