Monkey's Dad's definitions

dog dreaming

A sleep state, moving your arms and legs and making sounds, a manifestation of your dreams.

He could see that she was dreaming about running, her legs were going, and she was making little shouting sounds, dog dreaming, the way their poodle visibly dreamed of chasing deer.

by Monkey's Dad April 23, 2020

Newsmocks

A nickname for Newsmax, spoken quietly by some of the network's performers, paid to broadcast the far-right party line, whether they believe it or not.

"Next up on Newsmocks", intoned the host in his dressing room, "security camera proof of Fauci in the Wuhan lab. Don't go away."

by Monkey's Dad August 3, 2021

Official Wokesperson

The face of an institution, corporation, etc , whose job it is to stand before the press and convey an image of irreproachable political correctness.

"Here at Enlightenment Worldwide, LLC, there is not one single straight, white, male on our staff", said the Official Wokesperson, who indeed seemed oddly indeterminate as to gender and ethnicity. "Further, I apologize for my English, as it is not my first language but my seventh."

by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020

cyberoticism

An aura of sexuality conveyed through the Internet. Sexually arousing online communication.

They were both working from home, like everyone, but he looked forward to her joining his Zoom meetings. She was clearly on her bed, not wearing much, and every time she spoke there was a jolt of cyberoticism, which, in isolation, he so deeply craved.

by Monkey's Dad April 4, 2020

cat's cradle

The delusional gesture of separating the hands, bringing them together again, manipulating yarn, which Donald Trump continually plays while speaking. A game beloved of little girls everywhere.

Debating Biden, Trump revealed his inner life by continually playing cat's cradle.

by Monkey's Dad October 23, 2020

Psychitis

A variant of psychosis. An episode of psychic inflammation. A brief if intense appearance of being totally off-the-wall psychotic.

His face reddened, his eyes and neck tendons bulging, he screamed into her astonished face, "Don't call me psychotic! Because that makes me crazy. I'm just psychitic! It's psychitis! Look it up in Urban Dictionary!"

by Monkey's Dad September 23, 2022

Walking Food Festival

A person whose life during Covid has come to revolve around food.

Posting photos of every meal and every snack, sharing recipes, looking forward to eating because what else was there to do, she had become a Walking Food Festival.

by Monkey's Dad March 2, 2021