Monkey's Dad's definitions
"Call me" means "call me". It does not mean anything else. When spoken by a woman to a man it does not, for example, mean; "I want to go out with you". It does not, as the man often thinks, mean; "I find you devastatingly attractive". Once he calls, he has done exactly what she told him to do. She has gotten acknowledgement that he finds her desirable, which is what she wanted. When she does not take his call, and does not call him back, he thinks... "But... she told me to call her". He is 100% correct.
by Monkey's Dad February 18, 2020
Get the Call me! mug.Her questions, on their first date, about the most intimate details of his personal history, all the women in his past, why he was single, his income, prospects for advancement and whether he had any communicable diseases, constituted an extreme incringement of his dignity.
by Monkey's Dad March 4, 2025
Get the incringement mug.A situation created out of fear that the end is coming, when in all probability it isn't. Feeling equivalent to the apocalypse, while not actually being there.
Empty shelves, empty stores, empty restaurants and empty streets, 'it's para-apocalyptic', he thought.
by Monkey's Dad March 13, 2020
Get the para-apocalyptic mug.Shedding their clothes and their inhibitions, people gathered in a celebration of Eros Insanitas, knowing that many would be infected, some would die.
by Monkey's Dad May 25, 2020
Get the Eros Insanitas mug.Arriving home in Wichita from Princeton for the summer, Amber confided to her devoutly Methodist mother that she was equally in love with her 'friends' Jason and Jennifer. Shocked, and too unworldly to know that this was a transitory phase for many of the girls in Amber's class, her mother whispered the threat of bi-pass heart surgery to make her normal again.
by Monkey's Dad February 28, 2020
Get the Bi-pass heart surgery mug.An extraordinary percentage of the American population was infected, if not yet with Covid, then with vaccophobia. Sitting glassy-eyed and slack-jawed in front of their TVs, an American vaccophobe listened to paid performers on Fox and Newsmax, all of whom had been quietly vaccinated, tell them that Covid was nothing but a liberal hoax, that the vaccine would allow the illegitimate Democratic government to take their freedoms and to monitor their location at every moment. If they didn't believe it, they could look it up on their smartphones.
by Monkey's Dad July 24, 2021
Get the Vaccophobia mug.An event which doctors have consensually denied possible because A) they have never seen it, B) they don't know how to make it happen, and C) it does not fit within the narrow guidelines of their practice, which are in place to keep patients where they are.
The patient had been diagnosed with Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis, told that she would never walk again, classed as "non-ambulatory" for insurance purposes, issued a steel leg brace and a motorized scooter. Dutifully, she did not walk, or try to, for two decades. With the help of someone who believed that a miraculous medical reversal was possible, the day came when she walked into her neurologist's office on her own feet, without the scooter, without the leg brace. Her doctor responded with total refusal of acknowledgement. His practice, after all, was described as "maintenance", not cure, and what the hell was this.
by Monkey's Dad December 6, 2023
Get the miraculous medical reversal mug.