Monkey's Dad's definitions

working like a dog

Sacked out on the sofa all day.

"Man, I've been working like a dog", he muttered into the phone, his feet up, eyes on the game, the bag of Doritos on his chest almost empty. There must have been a time, long ago, he imagined, when dogs spent their lives herding cattle from sunrise to sunset, but any actual 21st century dog he knew was lazier than The Dude.

by Monkey's Dad March 1, 2020

Orificial Intelligence

The intelligence to keep your orifices - nostrils and mouth - covered during a pandemic. Those who deny that Covid exists may refer to it as scoffingly as OI as they wheeze their final breath.

Dismissing Orificial Intelligence, she was, for some reason, on a ventilator. "I mean, Marjorie ain't on no damn ventilator and she wears a mask. Around her neck. And she got real intelligence."

by Monkey's Dad November 22, 2021

Twelve again!!!

Remaining a child, year after year, all the way through one's theoretical adulthood.

"Yay, it's my birthday! Twelve again!!!"

by Monkey's Dad June 23, 2020

Official Wokesperson

The face of an institution, corporation, etc , whose job it is to stand before the press and convey an image of irreproachable political correctness.

"Here at Enlightenment Worldwide, LLC, there is not one single straight, white, male on our staff", said the Official Wokesperson, who indeed seemed oddly indeterminate as to gender and ethnicity. "Further, I apologize for my English, as it is not my first language but my seventh."

by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020

cyberoticism

An aura of sexuality conveyed through the Internet. Sexually arousing online communication.

They were both working from home, like everyone, but he looked forward to her joining his Zoom meetings. She was clearly on her bed, not wearing much, and every time she spoke there was a jolt of cyberoticism, which, in isolation, he so deeply craved.

by Monkey's Dad April 4, 2020

cat's cradle

The delusional gesture of separating the hands, bringing them together again, manipulating yarn, which Donald Trump continually plays while speaking. A game beloved of little girls everywhere.

Debating Biden, Trump revealed his inner life by continually playing cat's cradle.

by Monkey's Dad October 23, 2020

July 4, 2020 Interdependence Day

A holiday celebrating the truth that we are all in it together, that we all breathe the same air.

She would be at home on July 4, 2020 Interdependence Day, celebrating her connection to the whole world, hoping to one day be part of it, a different kind of freedom.

by Monkey's Dad June 28, 2020